Feet Firmly Planted

But I Listen to it Anyway, Dammit

2011-02-25T19:12:00.000-06:00

Why can't I hear the song "Straight from the Heart" by Bryan Adams without bursting into tears?

A Touch of Grey Kind of Suits You Anyway

2011-02-20T12:08:00.002-06:00

Yeah, wow. Did everyone have a good Halloween? Gah.

I would apologize for my absence, but I think it would somewhat presumptuous to do so, given that my readership in 2010 wouldn't really suffer from my extended absence. Heh. But I will say that everything is fine - I am still in good health, reading other blogs as actively as before, and marveling at all of these people that make the time to keep up with the online life chronicle thing. Seriously...who has the time for stuff like search engine optimization, deep statistical dives into site traffic, and staying on top of online trends? That is not now, nor has it ever been, my interest in writing here. Last time I checked, I had time enough for just 1 job, and that would be the one that PAYS ME, the corporate job I keep so carefully anonymous here.

Time. Ahh, time. There has been a dearth of that lately. Also? Inspiration to write...where did mine go? But as they say, to cure writers block, one must just make the effort to sit down and write, with perhaps a disregard for the quality of what is produced. But you don't come here for quality, so I will take my own advice ands just write something. ANYTHING.

Did you know that I am not really a Starbucks person? I don't understand the appeal of paying 4 dollars for coffee that tastes like tar, filtered through someone's used underwear? Maybe my palate isn't refined enough to truly appreciate it, whatever. I patronize Starbucks approximately 3 times a year. Mostly for peppermint mochas and oatmeal. Draw your own conclusions. I will tell you that I am sitting in a Starbucks rightthisverymoment, drinking a green tea, and loving the rain outside. The fact that I am writing this post WHILE at Starbucks, however, well let's just chalk that up against my "total cliche" allowance for 2011.

Hope you have all been well, that you had memorable holidays, and thank you for visiting, as always.

Picks/Pans

2010-10-30T15:52:00.005-05:00

I shall make my weekly "triumphant" (aka lazy) return to blogging with another round of Product Picks-n-Pans.

Josie Maran Argan Oil

Honestly? This stuff does all the things it promises and more. Do I remember to whip it out when I need a cuticle softener? NO. Do I think of it when dealing with split ends and flyaways? NOPE. It's a fabulous product, it's natural, and it's good for your skin. But if you can't remember you have it when you need it, what's the point? I don't know, but I know that I love it. PICK

PocketBac Deep Cleansing Hand Gel

I am getting older. It's true. We all are, if you think about it, so when my mom put this in my Christmas stocking, I was inappropriately excited to get it. Not because I think antibacterial products are exciting, but because it's unscented - and it's from Bath & Body Works. Allow me to pause while you wrap your brain around that combination. Yes, it might be the ONLY thing in the entire BBW product line that doesn't stink to high heaven. And while I once loved BBW more than I am comfortable admitting on this website, those days are pretty much over. This product goes on and works quickly - no stink, no stickiness, no nonsense. PICK

Body Shop Tea Tree Oil

This stuff is amazing on blemishes. Tea Tree Oil is one of nature's most effective astringents - and without sounding like an obnoxious hippie, I appreciate the Body Shop's policies on community and fair trade products. I dab this onto any blemishes with a cotton swab, go to bed, and wake up to clearer skin. Word of warning: Tea Tree Oil has an unpleasant odor - it's very sharp and a bit sour. It fades, but MAN can that be a romance killer. I'm just sayin. Despite the stench? PICK

Style Saturday

2010-10-23T09:12:00.009-05:00

Welcome to the first edition of STYLE SATURDAY, the newest feature to this blog. I've decided that lifestyle blogs drive me crazy (and yet, I still read them, discuss my hypocrisy amongst yourselves)...I mean, they're sort of out of control. Do any of you actually know someone that is so obsessed with design and decor that they could drive unique, photographed, online content to the tune of 6-10 postings a week? Do you?! I don't, due directly to the fact that the people in my life have JOBS and FAMILIES and don't have TIME to post about how they trimmed out that Edsel bumper they found last weekend in a junkyard into a wall mantel that is now trimmed with organic gourds and raffia in autumnal shades.

I mean, really. REALLY?

So here it is: the inaugural installment of my own lifestyle section, Style Saturday. This week, we're going medieval on you.

Medieval Times, that is.

A month or so ago, my parents (who while not exactly wacky or spontaneous are rather fun-loving) decided that they would make good on a promise to my niece and nephew to attend a show at Medieval Times. And so ensued our evening experience with what I consider to be the weirdest dinner theatre in the entire world, replete with the smell of horse poop and *just enough* theatrical lighting to frighten children under the age of 8.

The economy is alive and well...inside the great hall of your local Medieval Times, that is.

Thing the first: Medieval Times is interactive. It's so sensory that I almost wonder if it's a bad place for epileptics and people on the autistic spectrum to hang out. (No judgment, just a thought) They give you crowns and streamers to use in cheering on your knight in battle, and there is no silverware and you are forced to eat with your hands. To wit: my entree -

Apparently there were no medieval vegetarians?

Thing the Second: the seating assignment is random - where you're seated determines your loyalty to a certain knight-slash-wannabe-actor-with-gross-long-hair. We cheered on the red/gold knight, who looked suspiciously feminine. (As it turns out, he's a HE - I checked after the show at the autograph signing table (by LOOKING AT HIM, not whatever you gutterbrains were just thinking, oh HEY HI MOM - the fey appearance comes from his extreme youth. I would be surprised if he was legal to drink) He lost in the second battle, but not after using all the tools in his disposal, which included a giant spear, something metal and spiky on a chain, and this other thing that I'm still having nightmares about.

Speaking of booze, they have it there. THANK GOD. You can get your medieval margarita in a pimped out glass, if you want:

Not surprisingly, I opted for the hologram cup 'o Bud Light. What can I say? I'm a renaissance woman.

Nothing is more chic than getting dressed in whatever was clean that morning, and donning a flimsy, hair-flattening paper crown.

What's most stylish of all, really, is quality time spent with my family - medieval in nature, or not. Spend some time styling it up with YOUR family this week, and enjoy. (with or without ye olde Heineken)

In Which I am Characterized by Repeating Unpleasant Events

2010-10-19T08:07:00.002-05:00

There is the small matter of that half marathon that I ran with Sean a couple weeks back. I'm not sure I can do it justice (the good kind) in such a quick post, but I can share one strong memory of the event with you. My iPod nano (which I hastily procured prior to the event b/c running with my Touch seemed annoying despite the fact that I've done it numerous times, and which prompted me to have to upgrade to Snow Leopard the night before we left omg stabby stabby evening) nearly crapped out on me in the middle of the race. I'd never run without music before - I consider it necessary for any race - and the prospect of running without it left me cold. So I stopped waking up the nano to switch songs, and just let it play itself out.

That was right before I realized that the shuffle feature was not enabled. Seriously?! Stupid new nano. It was, admittedly, a hasty oversight on my part - in starting up my Nike+ workout, I must have neglected to turn the shuffle feature on within my new "Disney Half Marathon" playlist. As a result, my half-marathon consisted of every song I had from A to roughly K.

It was weird and distracting - even though, by the end of the race, I was laughing at Elton John popping up where I would normally need Rihanna, it could have been better. Argh. So instead of listing all the random crap I had to endure, I'll give you my top 25 songs to run to:

(in alphabetical order, OF COURSE)

Eat the Rich - Aerosmith
Magic (feat. Rivers Cuomo) - B.o.B.
She's No Good (feat. Eli "Paperboy" Reed) - Basement Jaxx
Intergalactic - Beastie Boys
Break Ya Neck - Busta Rhymes
The City is at War - Cobra Starship
Fresh - Devo
'Til I Collapse - Eminem / Nate Dogg
Freak (feat. Kardinal Offishall) - Estelle
Jesus or a Gun - Fuel
Get Involved (feat. Timbaland & Missy Elliott) - Ginuwine
Sexy! No No No - Girls Aloud
Vacation - The Go-Go's
Tightrope (w/Big Boi) - Janelle Monae
Give a Little More - Maroon 5
Heartbreaker (feat. John Legend) - MSTRKRFT
Gifted (feat. Kanye West, Santogold, Lykke Li) - N.A.S.A.
Super Freak - Rick James
Filthy Gorgeous (Original Radio Mix) - Scissor Sisters
Talking in Your Sleep - Space Cowboy
Feel It Now - Tonic
Giving Up the Gun - Vampire Weekend
Panama - Van Halen
Blue Orchid - White Stripes
Check It Out - will.i.am & Nicki Minaj (ed. note: Buggles sample FTW!)

I rounded out the half-marathon with my new favorite song, a rediscovery of sorts, "Can You Feel It" by the Jacksons. I don't care who you, where you come from, or what your age is - if this song doesn't make you feel like you conquer the damn world, then your heart is made of stone. It's only a matter of time until someone huge in the hip-hop world smartens up and uses this as the sample track behind their newest song. Nerdy as it might sound, this song literally sends goosebumps down my spine. That's why I'm naming this song as the 26th on the list - the best song to which a person can cross a finish line. Running.

As it Turns Out, You CAN Buy Happiness

2010-10-12T19:44:00.002-05:00

Happiness can be found virtually anywhere, so why do we spend so many of our waking hours complaining, grousing, or otherwise unsatisfied with ourselves? Given that my last entry was a tad...erm...heavy, I committed to opening my eyes a little wider over the past week.

I have spent the last several days staying in our family's condo downtown - a small, casual nest located 31 floors above the city. It's been a welcome reminder of both why I love living downtown (and resultingly, miss my condo), and why I left the city (parking and crowds). Plus, high-rise living is inherently novel: sleeping in a glass box with the city outside is much like camping under the stars. I do so love it here.

Tonight, I had no special place to go after a post-work appointment so I hit State Street. Official story? I need a dress for the company holiday party. But I think we all know that I have at least 4 dresses that would work, and do I really need to spend that money unnecessarily? NO. So instead of diving head first into the petites section, I spent an hour aimlessly wandering through my favorite place in the city: the bookstore.

It was unexpected, unhurried, and unbelievably lovely. It was! It was LOVELY. Nowhere to go, no one to answer to, nothing to do but ponder the purchase of a running-related hardback and have an internal debate about whether or not to spend $24.95 on something Sean is likely to buy eventually on his e-Reader anyhow. So I spent about half what I would have on a party dress, and walked out with some holiday gifts and treats for me:

If I am Missing or Dead
In Defense Of Food
The Power of Giving
On Gratitude
A Gate at the Stairs
Then We Came to the End

And now? Now my only problem is deciding which one to read first - which in my book is an embarassment of riches. Best. Tuesday. Ever.

(Please Don't Really) Send In the Clowns

2010-10-09T19:31:00.007-05:00

Just got off the treadmill, and as it turns out I AM STILL OVERWEIGHT. Despite my wishes, a 3.3 mile run/walk session did not (a) eliminate all my cellulite, (b) make my pants look any better, or (c) make my ankles skinnier. Ah well. Someone once told me that regular exercise and a healthy diet are the key to weight loss. I'll have to look into that.

I've been thinking a lot about myself lately (shocker!) but not in the normal, vain, woe-is-me-and-my-first-world-problems way. Someone recently told me that I am mean when I've had too much to drink. The B word may have been tossed in there, too, and while I assure you this was said in the most straightforward, diplomatic way possible, it was still said. And it still hurt my feelings. Because, on occasion, I suppose it's true. The sting has, for the most part, worn off now but the message is stuck like glue to the inside of my brain.

So imagine my arched eyebrow when I read Moose's inspiring post which was derived in spirit from this post by Brene Brown. Sometimes it's good to remember that not everything is perfect, and that despite our inadequacies and faults, life will shake out just fine. I need to remember this more often.

So here's mine - the good and the bad:

I'm not entirely sure I'm doing the best I can. And I'm not entirely sure I care.

Sometimes, I drink too much. Not often, and before you ask, no - I'm not concerned about it, but it is a hard fact - and one that probably isn't helping the whole weight loss thing.

People compliment me on my skin and hair.

Everything I'm thinking shows up on my face. I can help it sometimes, and I do try (when appropriate) to remain discreet. But mostly I just let it fly. I'd rather be remembered/appreciated for being genuine than for being polite.

I'm judgmental and critical, most often of myself.

I can make almost anyone laugh.

I am afraid that if I slow down too much, I'll never get going again.

The phrase "if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life" is annoying to me - not just because I find platitudes like this convenient and cloying, but also because I'm jealous that can't say I've ever done what I loved for a living.

Saying no is not easy for me, but as life gets more complicated, I'm learning.

I am relatively well-traveled for my age.

I am concerned that if I don't start soon, I won't be able to have children.

Jobs that I used to dream of having are: ballerina, morning radio DJ, high school english teacher, professional organizer, life coach. I'm sure that last one would be the best option, as I'm GREAT at giving advice to others but never applying it to my own life. Hehe.

I still harbor fantasies of moving to another state, even though I've already done that and it didn't turn out well.

Asking for help scares me.

I am jealous of my friends who got married right out of college and had their children young. I know they missed out on the things I've done and might assert the "grass is greener" response, but still. I feel like they're ahead of me somehow.

I need to remember that life is not a race, and that we are all on our own tracks.

(deep breath)

Now you can all do me a huge favor and put one of your own in the comments field - make it anonymous if you wish - just so I know I'm not the only one out here with a case of the crazies. Thanks for listening.

Misunderstood

2010-10-08T12:42:00.002-05:00

Dear Youth of America,

What is with the super long skateboards? Are you surfing a concrete wave? Please help me understand.

On second thought, don't.

Sincerely, Jamie

*********

In other news, how DO you solve a problem like China? Can you send 2+ billion people to therapy for denial?

Rocket Town

2010-09-29T23:08:00.007-05:00

Every year (well, as of two years ago) in the later parts of summer, Indianapolis becomes a biker heaven when MotoGP comes to town for the Red Bull Indianapolis Grand Prix. As Sean has been a speed bike fan for several years now, having owned and ridden one himself, naturally he was keen to get tickets as soon as the event was announced. I blogged about our first trip to the event - and how we survived the inland hurricane (but our tent didn't).

This year, we were blessed with spectacular weather - not too hot, not too sunny. No one got rained on, no one got burned. They changed the shower truck vendor on us this year (not cool, IMS, not cool at all) but other than that, it was a great time! I realized again how lucky I am that I, for the most part, find Sean's motor-related interests even remotely intriguing and/or fun. Plus, I love camping!

Commence slide show:

You want to know the coolest part of it all? Sean submitted our photos from the weekend's events (He probably took 60% of them - particularly the midrace and paddock shots) to Superbike Planet for inclusion in their fan photo galleries - and several were published! See one here of Valentino Rossi adjusting his...umm, well you know, three here - one of me, one by me (of the wall), and one by Sean (of the Ducati stands), and one here. So if you ever wondered who my favorite rider is, NOW YOU KNOW.

My Life Was Just a Cheap, Meaningless Void Until Now

2010-09-23T10:02:00.005-05:00

How is it that I've survived the past 31 years without this website?! HOW?! Found it via Swistle whose adorable husband bought her 2 pounds of pens for $10. Which makes me love her (and by extension, her husband) even more. Not only because I really abhor pencils, but also because freebie pens always end up being the best and longest-lasting - like county fair goldfish.

Anybody need some plastic graduates for Christmas? A Figure 9 Carabiner makes an excellent (if a bit sharp) stocking stuffer! Hannukah just wouldn't be the same without a Digital Multimeter, now would it? I DON'T THINK SO.

Nerdy as it is, this might be my new favorite website. Everybody is getting science stuff for the holidays! You bring the egg nog, I'll bring the 500 mL Erlen Flasks.

Happy Trails

2010-09-19T17:45:00.005-05:00

There are things about camping that I find serve as a refresher to my system - maybe not distant, community restrooms, but fresh air and laughter? Definitely. I had a chance this past weekend to spend time with my favorite people in the world (outside my biological family that is) and it occurred to me several times throughout our time together that we are so incredibly, ridiculously lucky to have one another near by.

I mean, c'mon - with who else am I supposed to discuss things like the origin of tampons, ankle goatees, weird vocabulary, and fracture mechanics? (well that last one was an education for me, really - mah frendz r RLY smahrttt). Despite the initially frustrating weather, and those last two fireside cocktails that I REALLY didn't need last night, I had a great weekend. We are all so busy these days and I know it will only get more difficult to figure out once our lives become happily complicated with children, pets, or whatever else the universe has in store for us.

I am so blessed to have people in my life that aren't afraid to shush me when I become very loudly animated in my speech, who go camping when they *really* don't want to, who support my bitching out of a long training run when I really just want to sit and chatter and read magazines, and who know how to make a mean flapjack breakfast taco. How do you say "pigs in a blanket" in Spanish?

I'm sure one of them could tell me.

Have a great week, everyone. I'm off to go do another load of smoky laundry.

Top 3 Reasons Why Working from Home is Awesome

2010-09-16T18:28:00.004-05:00

1. I'll take this view over the Chicago River any day.

2. When I'm alone, no one can see me eat yesterday's Pumpkin Cupcake for breakfast.

3. Sweatpants and no make-up! Love it.

Reading

2010-09-05T12:29:00.000-05:00

Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth...So the next time you encounter fear, consider yourself lucky. This is where courage comes in. Usually we think that brave people have no fear. The truth is that they are intimate with fear. When I was first married, my husband said I was one of the bravest people he knew. When I asked him why, he said because I was a complete coward but went ahead and did things anyhow.

Book excerpt by Pema Chodron, as published in the May issue of the online magazine, Fear.Less.

I'm not entirely prone to Eastern thinking, but who can deny the appeal of this Buddhist take on the challenges of life? I'm always looking to calm down, to settle, to rest. This article was like a philosophical safety blanket - and a welcome realization that my inner chaos is not unique, nor should I allow it to rule my decisions and actions.

Reading

2010-09-02T16:00:00.000-05:00

Elsa walked slowly through the narrow streets looking around her at the way life went on. The people washed the sidewalks in front of their little stores and laid out their wares. In the cafes and restaurants they were laboriously writing their menus on big blackboards. There wasn't the same carefree, cheerful way as before the accident. But at least they were getting on with it. Or pretending to. Like Elsa herself.

Things I Don't Understand

2010-09-01T09:48:00.002-05:00

1. Why can't it be, when I say that I am LMAO, I am not *actually* LMAO. Hey, I'm not a mathematician, but even I can recognize that laughter = skinny is just about the best equation ever. Eat my pencil dust, Fermat!

2. Why McDonald's apple pies taste so incredibly good. How is my diet going, you ask? Oh...um...fine, I guess.

3. Season 11's DWTS lineup

4. The way the summer has disappeared so quickly. I have recently issued a scheduling moratorium for September and October. All plans that are already made are kept - any other requests for my time will be denied. Yes, you heard me. No more plans. I'm fresh out of patience, so you'll have to ring me back in November.

5. How I could suddenly have crow's feet this week, but not last week. NO REALLY, they are for real and they appeared Monday morning, and it doesn't appear (regardless of the amount of water I consume) that they are going away anytime soon. I hate you, 31.

Reading: Food Awareness

2010-08-26T09:02:00.002-05:00

What a brilliant idea. I certainly hope it doesn't stir up a lot of flack, because a little awareness can go an awfully long way.

11-year-old Gabby spoke for many of us when she stared at the designated black pig and announced, "I wish bacon didn't taste so good."

I've often considered doing something like this, just as a reminder. But after a childhood of county fair pet shows, and 4 collegiate years spent in an agricultural town, I feel I have a certain respect for (and knowledge of) the animal products I consume. I don't always make the right choices, but the source of my food is almost never a mystery to me.

Hmm. This is absolutely something I would do with my children. Would you?

Buddha Belly Turns 1

2010-08-24T15:34:00.003-05:00

May I take this brief moment to wish my adorable, imp of a nephew a very merry first birthday? OK then!

Happy Birthday, Chase! You've come a long way, baby.

Reading: Under the Sycamore

2010-08-24T13:29:00.001-05:00

...my friend Lars made the comment, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately too. I consider myself a pretty joyful person. I don’t struggle that often with comparison. However, as I think about joy this week I have noticed that when joy seems to vanish in my own life it is usually related to comparison. I don’t want anything stolen in my life…especially joy.

Truer words were never spoken.

Reading: Architecture Edition

2010-08-20T09:27:00.002-05:00

It appears my old neighborhood has a big, big project in the works. I love everything about it - should they be able to pull it off to spec, this will truly alter the sophistication level of the neighborhood, and also provide a sparkling addition to our skyline.

Check out Roosevelt U's newest project

Old Lang Syne

2010-08-16T21:33:00.003-05:00

So all acquaintances, as my college years have proved, cannot in fact be forgot. I'm just sayin'. What does that song mean, anyways? Furthermore, WHY am I always curious in a rhetorical way?

Today was my first "thirtysomething" birthday - not thirty, but rather, thirty and change. Thirty with benefits. (umm...OR NOT) And instead of popping over here to complain about how I'm not married, thin, successful, or possessing a house full of fiery-headed children in tutus and gym shoes, I'm just going to carpe positivity and remember why today was a pretty great day indeed.

1. Finding a birthday note from my mom under my car keys this morning.

2. INCREDIBLE, beautiful weather today in Chicago. As I said briefly to my friend Jen, it was as if Jesus knew it was my birthday today. He just knew! Can you believe it?! Truly awesome weather - cooler, breezy, sunny, lovely.

3. A sunshiny cab ride to work along the incredible, vibrant streets of this city. MY GOD, this city is gorgeous. I was in such a good mood this morning, I nearly snapped a cell photo of the back of the Civic Opera Building to remember it by.

4. The smell of fresh chocolate in the air. Did you know that Chicago was once the world's capital of candy and confectionery companies? It's true! As food and consumer packaged goods companies combine and slowly take over the world, it's nice to know that some of the good stuff is still being made right in our backyard.

5. Lunch with a friend at my favorite "guilty pleasure" restaurant to chat about nothing and gossip.

6. Phone calls and FB messages GALORE from the people that care about me. Honestly, what is better than that? Thanks to everyone who took a moment to recognize the day - even though you all knew that I would hate the attention. ;)

7. It sounds cliche, but I have my health - as does my entire extended family (close friends included). Some things may not be perfect, but for the most part, I am so lucky to be relieved of this particular worry in life. Thanks to God (or whomever you choose to worship) for that one. I am so grateful.

All in all, not a bad day.

PHEW!

I wonder what the next year will bring?

Don't Hate, Stagnate

2010-08-11T11:00:00.002-05:00

Things That Have Been Keeping Me Elsewhere These Days:

- earworms at night (argh)
- illness (minor, more of a nuisance, really)
- upcoming garage sale
- upcoming-birthday-related depression/frustration
- my recent (and uncharacteristic) inability to keep my bedroom tidy
- dying cilantro and roma tomatoes
- 4 year-old t-ball hilariousness
- big decisions
- bad news
- travel

Will be back to posting as soon as I can get my own life under control. Sorry to be cryptic - just need to reign it all in, and scale it all back these days. More soon.

A Thousand Apologies

2010-07-26T23:40:00.004-05:00

Or maybe just the one - b/c it's been a week since my last post. I'm sorry, did you actually want me to WRITE in this space? I thought it was just a place to regurgitate out my random thoughts about nothing in particular. I hear they call it a blog.

In other news, I'm running another half-marathon:

Crazysaywhuh?! Yes, it's true. I am repeating the very act that I claimed I would never do again. Masochist? Nah. (shrugs) I'm not even entirely sure why I decided to do it (Sean is joining me again, bless his heart), I guess I just thought it might be fun to do another one - this time around, Fancy Doorbell Style. HALLO. Wine and cheese.

So if you can pardon my posting the heinous photo above, you'll have to understand it is necessary for me to complain at least once a week about the training I'm not doing for this dang race. Not that I'm racing - right now, it's more of an enthusiastic shuffle. Regardless, it's happening and I'm going to be there, like it or not. Hopefully it will all turn out for the best, and this time around, I won't be bored and restless. I promise not to stop around mile 11 to walk and text people about how much my hips hurt. Promise promise.

Maybe.

Vacation Musings

2010-07-18T22:50:00.002-05:00

So after the small, insignificant matter of my best friend Kate's wedding this weekend (cough - KIDDING, OBVIOUSLY), there is the matter of my cousin's wedding at the end of the month. And while I am excited for this matrimonial back-to-back, it is made somewhat more complicated by the location of my cousin Becky's ceremony: Mexico. So what was a peaceful, sunshiney destination wedding has morphed into a family reunion of sorts - complete with nearly all the family on my dad's side (with very few exceptions). It's like a wedding on steroids, with a heavy dose of fabulous - a week of all-inclusive drinking and eating, with breaks taken only to reapply some 75+ multi-spectrum SPF.

So what is a girl to do? Obviously the only logical thing to do is worry about the really important stuff - like what to put on my iPod, how to assist Sean in deflecting what I can only imagine will be 2 straight weekends of questions like "so when are you two finally going to get engaged?" and "haven't you guys been dating since before I met my husband and had three kids?" and other REALLY IMPORTANT, earth-shattering problems like figuring out what event requires which dress and shoes. Never mind that I've got to work before we leave, and that the rest of my life needs to continue steaming along while these fantastic events unfold. Obviously the details are the place to start. (cough) First things first, am I right?

Naturally, my mind has suddenly clued in on the most unnecessary details regarding our trip to Mexico - primarily insignificant ones like (a) what music I absolutely HAVE TO download onto my iPod for the beach, and/or (b) whether or not I can get my beach hat to unwrinkle from its post-Greece, carelessly determined resting place inside a giant duffel. I've been surfing Maggie's Friday Mixtapes for awhile now to find great ideas, but I have to be honest - some of it is *just* a little hipster-y for my tastes. So while I will gleefully download just about ANYTHING from Fleet Foxes and the Avett Brothers, there is something clubbish missing. Like the greatest hits of John Secada - remixed by Mark Ronson. Or something. Whatever.

So what say ye? What music do I have to get before leaving for my vacation? Leave a comment with your suggestions, or else.

Picks-n-Pans

2010-07-15T23:40:00.006-05:00

I haven't done a feature like this in awhile, so here goes...today's picks and pans are brought to you by the letter C for cosmetics.

L'Occitane Wild Cherry Solid Perfume

Smells sweet but not cloying, fruity but not immature, and has major staying power! Great for those who like to travel with a unique scent, but not a giant glass bottle. PICK!

Sonia Kashuk "Recede" Undereye Treatment

Meant to de-puff undereye bags and brighten up undereye circles. That is, assuming you can get the product out of the cartridge, across the forever-stuck ball bearing applicator tips, and onto your face. Me? After the first use, I mostly just gave myself extra eye wrinkles when I didn't realize it wasn't ever going to come out of the packaging again. A total waste of money and time. (sad trombone) PAN

Sally Hansen Insta-Dri Nail Polish

Fabulous colors (wish there were more!), fast-drying (no, really), and usually only takes one coat to do the job. Need I say more? This stuff is the best. PICK!

Kiehl's Acai Damage-Protecting Toning Mist

Smells weird - dusty is the first word that comes to mind - and made my skin far too tight. I'm not even sure this stuff really works. PAN

Reading

2010-07-13T09:04:00.003-05:00

Full of information I didn't know! So much for that 100+ full-spectrum face sunblock I bought for an upcoming trip.

(click to enlarge)

From the most edition of Newsweek, here are some interesting facts that are, at least to me, incredibly relevant.

Food Blogger, I Most Certainly Am Not

2010-07-12T12:04:00.000-05:00

I have been on an awesome run of salads over the past two weeks, what with a wedding soon (in which I need to look smoking but not SO HOT as to distract from the bride) and right after that, a trip to Mexico for my cousin's wedding-slash-family-reunion.

So right - bathing suit time. CRINGE. Anyhow, I like salads a lot so I have been making an effort to eat more of them. Here is my recipe for the best salad ever, and I'll spoil the fun right now - it doesn't contain cheese of any type and/or kind. Dairy does not belong on a salad.

Jamie's Favorite Salad:

1 large handful of mesclun/mixed dark greens
1/2 handful of radicchio
1 large handful of romaine lettuce
1/2 handful of baby spinach
cucumbers in small chunks
orange or yellow peppers
green onion
something crunchy - jicama, raw kohlrabi, etc.
croutons
protein - chicken, tuna, steak, whatever *must be shredded*
halved cherry tomatoes
chopped broccoli (lightly steamed, if poss.)

And that's it! Top it with anything containing balsamic vinegar, and I am a happy camper. You may think it somewhat plain, but it isn't meant to be some ridiculous, psuedo-fancy, nuts/cheese/fruit/lettuce combo. It's just a standard, fabulous, veggie-filled way to enjoy lunch.

Weekly Exfoliation - Garage Sale (and Some Other Stuff) Edition

2010-07-11T08:30:00.001-05:00

Every year, my family attempts to hold a garage sale. It doesn't always happen - we usually end up on a biannual schedule - but THIS YEAR everything is different. And by everything, of course, I mean nothing. But we have the best of intentions, and I am preparing already.

You see, for the past 4 weeks or so, I've been carefully ignoring my domestic duties. I blamed it on being too busy, but truthfully I could have vacuumed and picked up - you know in my spare time. Like between 4:30-5:30 am, or perhaps somewhere in the midnight range? Righty-o. Here is the shameful proof that something needed to be done:

I'm not proud, but I'm captain of this mess, and over the holiday weekend, I decided to do something about it.

Keeping the garage sale as fuel for my domestic fire, I immediately tackled the armchair full of warm weather clothing - and got rid of anything that didn't survive after I asked myself the following 3 questions:

1. Does this even fit me?
2. Have I worn this in the past year?
3. Does this item make me feel good about myself?

If any of those answers was NO, then off it went into the garage sale pile. Which ended up looking like this:

I felt so much lighter after that adventure, that I cleaned out the rest of my closet as well! Will wonders never cease?

Small edit/update: given that I had "rules" about my new hair care strategy, I also had to purge several products from the ol' bathroom cabinet. What my mom didn't want got dumped down the sink, bottles to be recycled. (sniff) Farewell, Pantene hair masque! We'll always have Northern Illinois.

Also exfoliated: the last 3 years of useless personal documentation!

As nerdy as it may seem, I felt a thousand pounds lighter when all was said and done.

Protein Shake (Up)

2010-07-08T20:56:00.006-05:00

After two months of incredibly frustrating hair days - most of which saw 3 o'clock pm come and go with me in a spectacularly unflattering ballerina bun - I had to bring in the big guns. And no, I am not referring to chopping my hair off again. (Not that I wasn't tempted...) I booked an appointment with my stylist to undergo the Keratin Hair Therapy Treatment by Coppola.

Here's a recent shot of my "before" hair - aka my natural hair - natural color, natural curl, natural predisposition to frizz:

And here is the "only a few hours later" after shot - proof that this treatment works, and it works VERY WELL:

YES. REALLY. Here's how it all went down, in 20 easy steps.

1. Show up at salon w/book, b/c this is going to take awhile.
2. Get shampooed three times with clarifying shampoo - YOUCH.
3. Get combed. DOUBLE OUCH.
4. Get blown out w/no product in hair - welcome to Fro-Ville, population: 1.
5. Keratin protein complex applied painstakingly to small pieces of hair until (a) your entire head is covered, (b) you may have fallen asleep in the chair, and/or (c) you are grateful you didn't wear any makeup that day b/c DAMN THOSE FUMES! It is suddenly as if someone has put raw onion rings on your undereye circles. Yowza.
6. Make lame joke about crying from happiness that you'll have no frizz for the next 3 months.
7. *crickets*
8. Sit for half hour, reading really horrible Candace Bushnell book.
9. Get blown out - no rinse.
10. Get flat ironed in sections so small you almost feel bad for the stylist, with an iron that has a 450-degree capacity.
11. Wonder if that burny smell is going to linger on your hair.
12. Receive your instructions not to wash your hair for 72 hours - no excuses.
13. Ponder if perhaps this is the first time you've ever seen your hair this close to your head. Like...ever.
14. Realize the burny smell IS going to stay. At least for the next 72 hours.
15. Check out with new, keratin-friendly hair products and a vague sense of dread about how absolutely disgusting your hair is going to look and be in 24 hours, never mind 72.
16. Think further on how, over the Fourth of July weekend, you will be able to (as directed by your stylist) avoid: sweating, getting your hair wet, using any kind of hair implement, putting sunglasses on your head, sweating, tucking your hair behind your ears, sweating...SCHEDULING FAIL.
17. Carefully tuck your hair underneath your seemingly enormous skull, and fall asleep hoping you won't wake up with kinky hair that needs to be burny'ed all over again.
18. Lament at the amount of product and grease that accumulates in your hair.
19. Cry one single, fat tear upon leaving the house to go to work with burny, 65-hour, homeless lady hair.
20. Sit on the train home, somewhere around 75 hours, like a child waiting for Christmas - finally reach home and take the most wonderful shower you've possibly EVER taken.

et Voila! Suddenly you've got movie star, frizz-free, fabulous (albeit significantly less curly) hair for the next 3-5 months.

See?

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

Seriously, since I washed the death goo out of my hair on Tuesday night, my hair has been an absolute dream. In the photo immediately above, I will gladly boast to you that there is zero styling product in my hair. NOTHING. That's pretty monumental for a girl who has been beating her hair into a styled submission since oh, about the fourth grade.

This is awesome, people. I recommend it. I adore it. It's just in time for summer, and it is worth every penny.

Apropos of Nothing

2010-07-08T08:28:00.003-05:00

My favorite podcasts of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me! are the ones in which Charlie Pierce is a panelist. I think this is because I adore his hearty laugh. He always seems to truly be enjoying himself. It's contagious!

Reading

2010-07-06T20:15:00.003-05:00

One of the worst books I believe I have ever read.

Billy handed his overcoat to the coat-check man, wishing he could have avoided shaking the hand of Thayer Core. Why was he here? Billy wondered. Thayer Core was a blogger on one of those vicious new websites that had popped up in the last few years, displaying a hatred and vitriol that was unprecedented in civilized New York. The things the bloggers wrote made no sense to him. The readers' comments made no sense to him. None of it appeared to be written by humans, at least not humans as he knew them. This was the problem with the Internet: The more the world opened up, the more unpleasant people seemed to be.

Fin

2010-07-05T16:59:00.003-05:00

As it turns out, putting together a list of 100 things to do before I leave the earth is no small feat. I had to cut my losses at 75 - which seemed a satisfactory, large-enough number - and besides, I'm working really hard this year on not sweating the small stuff. So 75 it is, and at 75 it shall remain.

Jamie's Life List - Part 3 of 3

51. see a movie at a drive-in theatre
52. spend a lot of money on my wardrobe in one shot with no guilt
53. throw a party with a photo booth
54. improve my skin tone
55. successfully build a sandcastle
56. name a pet "Haricots Vert" (Harry, for short)
57. retire to someplace that has waves
58. make a consistent habit of thinking before speaking
59. take a Mondo Beyondo class
60. stand up for myself
61. pull my kids from school for a surprise day o'fun
62. get back into the dance studio on a regular basis
63. cross the Brooklyn Bridge on foot
64. be proud (and unapologetic) about my shoe collection
65. look good in a tube top again (even if I'm WAY too old to wear one)
66. spend more time at the local library
67. vacation in/at a Tuscan villa
68. have a closet big enough for a tufted ottoman in the center
69. go an entire week without making any lists
70. hike up a Hawaiian volcano
71. go snorkeling somewhere along the Pacific Rim
72. sew myself a dress that I am really proud to wear
73. take a knife skills class
74. attend a bonfire on the beach
75. learn to reupholster furniture

You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here. Updates coming soon on the things I've actually done throughout the duration of creating this list. More to come!

Reading: So Far, So Indifferent Edition

2010-06-30T21:46:00.002-05:00

Nothing like a hint of schadenfreude to make an insecure wealthy housewife feel better about herself.

Honesty Is the Best Policy

2010-06-29T22:23:00.003-05:00

Things That Are More Currently More Interesting To Me Than Unpacking:

- drinking white wine

- stalking people on Facebook

- re-writing a messy to-do list

- listening to everything I can find by LaRoux

- how this swimsuit is mysteriously flattering on my frame

- contemplating the future

- downloading cheesy rom-coms on iTunes (Leap Year, anyone?)

- avoiding the treadmill

- getting excited for my keratin treatment this Saturday

Miracle Grow

2010-06-27T16:50:00.002-05:00

Prepare yourself for proud photos of a first-time gardener. (You realize, dear readers, that someday when I am blessed with a child, the entire internet will run screaming away from their computers for fear of yet another baby photo barrage, right? I’m just keeping it real.)

One of the things that most enthralled me about my plan to move into my parents’ house was the possibility of having a container garden. Gardening doesn’t really run in my gene pool, but there are a couple green thumbs in the lines and I had a grand plan to channel them all into the best stairway garden that ever there was.

I didn’t get that. But I did get a LOVELY tomato plant that has begun to sprout tiny green tomato babies. See?

Reality sunk in at the onset, and I knew a plan needed to be hatched. I obtained a handful of highly-rated container gardening books (thanks, Amazon reader reviews!) and one book on organic gardening which made me feel like a boorish, 1st world idiot. Soon enough, that book was on the bottom of the stack next to my bed, and I was off to Wally World for a giant, $3.99 bag of Miracle Gro. Toxins bedamned…the organic stuff was honestly really overwhelming. Maybe next summer.

Would sir like some possibly toxic, definitely delicious basil and chives?

No? Are you more of the rosemary or greek oregano type?

Actually, if you have need of fresh rosemary or chives, email me because DAMN. Those two are threatening to take over the deck entirely. Even though my friend Jen so cleverly pointed out that I’m amassing the makings of a tasty brunch, a girl can only make so many baked potatoes and loaves of focaccia.

And that is to say nothing of the strange and wonderful experiment that has been the Strawberry Topsy Turvy hack – a la Sean:

In this giant cylinder is a bevy of yummy goodness: a handful of strawberry plants, a roma tomato plant, sweet bell peppers, jalapenos, cilantro, and german thyme (another herb I have absolutely NO CLUE how to use). Great planning, that last one. Why do I get the feeling I’m going to have to dry it out and save it for Thanksgiving dinner?

I estimate that I have spent approximately $175 on the garden – including one whoopsie bag of the wrong potting soil. To tell you the truth, I get more enjoyment from those ridiculous plants that I do actual food. And eventually, I’ll get to eat them! WRAP YOUR BRAIN AROUND THAT FOR A MOMENT.

I had no idea I would enjoy flexing my long-atrophied domestic muscles with this project. I’m so happy to have tried it! Brunch, anyone?

Lucky 7

2010-06-25T09:03:00.000-05:00

My niece has turned 7, and as she came into being at the same time I was becoming an adult, I cannot help but measure my own life against hers. When I met Sean, she was nothing more than a protruding object of constant conversation – hidden from the world, and yet so incredibly visible to us all.

The day she was born, I was stuck downtown, working my way through the first round of auditions for a local professional dance/cheer team. In my first picture with her (taken shortly after I drove 9,000 mph to the suburbs in order to arrive before the close of hospital visiting hours), I am wearing a highly-engineered, highly visible bra on under my teeny tank and my fake eyelash/tarantula eyes are rimmed heavily in smokey lavender. It was wonderful and awkward and all omfg-i-hope-nobody-noticed-i-accidentally-got-glitter-on-the-baby.

Three months after she started walking, she turned 1. She spent a good portion of that party in the backyard, in her new Playskool swing-set, reluctant to make contact with the spiky, Kelly-green grass. I’ll never forget how stunned I was when I absentmindedly handed her to Sean for a minute while I walked away to talk to someone, and when I came back, he seemed totally at home, making her laugh and feeding her crackers. He was wearing an orange-ish plaid shirt and when I saw her tiny hands in his, I knew the birthday girl wasn’t the only one in the room that had a piece of my heart.

Fast forward several years – as life often does when we don’t pay meticulous attention to it – 2, 4 years and suddenly it’s all talk of electronic hamsters, iCarly, silly bands, and American Girls. There are brothers now. There are books, school, and opinions on clothing now (dear God, please help my sister. thank you). There are people who, in public, assume she is mine and I am secretly flattered because even though she is not mine, she is ours, and has some of the best parts of all of us.

And there is a tiny peanut lady baby curly girlie future heartbreaker who has a scream that could melt the paint off the walls, who enchants us with her bizarre, hilarious faces, and serves as the unofficial mascot of our extended family; bringing cheer and laughter to everyone she meets. Plus, she plays a mean air guitar.

Happy Birthday, Bri Bri.

Reading

2010-06-23T23:54:00.003-05:00

I attempted yet another sip of my martini, but I quickly came to the conclusion that, birthday or no birthday, I was just a wine and beer kind of gal. Sukey saw me wincing and said, "Hang in there, baby. It's worth it for the olive. And like I said, take bigger sips. They go down easier." I noticed that Sukey had just polished off her second double martini, so when she wasn't looking, I dumped the rest of mine into her glass. She was right about one thing, though - the olive was just about the best-tasting olive I have ever had.

And Just Like That, My Faith in Humanity/Fate is Once Again Restored

2010-06-23T17:07:00.002-05:00

I have this friend, Jen, who is the definition of the word "trooper." (and I don't mean the kind that pulls you over on the interstate for speeding) She's taken on more in the last 12-18 months than most people her age take on in their entire young life - including starting her own business (gulp) and dealing with all the stress and heartbreak that came along with a devastating medical diagnosis for her mother (double, triple gulp). It's enough to make anyone fall apart - and she has thrived. I have always admired her personal strength and ability to stubbornly refuse to give in to certain things.

As it turns out, the universe has smiled on her family as well - the LIVESTRONG organization has recently announced her parents as the winners of the "Lance in France" contest and I have to say, it could not have happened to a nicer bunch of people. Is this not the coolest thing EVER?! It's just so exciting - I'm grinning from ear to ear like a complete idiot.

I'm not a huge believer in certain things like destiny, but I believe that fate, for the most part, favors the good people in the world. And even better? THE UNIVERSE JUST PROVED ME RIGHT.

Boo yah.

Bare

2010-06-21T23:46:00.004-05:00

It is an unusual Monday - sushi and a movie with close friends - we have set aside our precious time, our only gift to each other. We are the kind of friends to whom you would donate blood, the friends that unconsciously use "we" when referring to the group, the ones that remind you that you're not, in fact, crazy but perhaps just misunderstood? The friends who cry with you because they are as frustrated/disappointed/angry as you are, and do so because they simply cannot help it.

Dinner was tasty. The movie was a total letdown, as expected, but nonethless an escape and well-timed for a dour, difficult Monday, when all parties are in need of a mindless diversion. When did our personal lives become so burdened, so busy, so quickly? Where is 2004, in which we were all single, poor, happy, and didn't know any better? I want to go back there sometime, if only to laugh at my own bad decisions and remember how good bad liquor tastes when it's (a) not yours, and (b) mixed with something fruity. My past is the only place where I can truly remember the allure of a bright red Solo cup and some innocent flirtations with a light-eyed man in an army green cable-knit sweater and khaki cargo pants.

Now, years later, as I sit alone with the heat-lightning as my evening's entertainment, I think heavily of what it means to be an adult. Is it a mortgage? A marriage? A child? None or all of these things? How self-indulgent of me to ask when the answer should probably be clear as day, and yet it is not. Where are we going, anyhow? We take trains to where we need to be. We hire taxi cabs to drive us to unknown places. We take gambles with our time, our feelings, our lives. We spend time with one another because we cannot leave a conversation well enough alone, and because we know the dialogue could not be dicussed with anyone less worthy.

The rain comes down tonight with a force I can see - walls of water, pushing and slapping against the concrete fortress outside my window. The window expands outside the silhouette of the building and I cannot help but imagine that if the structure somehow failed rightthisveryminute, the bay section of the living room would drop and I would meet an untimely, unappealing end. Am I the only one who considers these worst-case scenarios? Either way, I think I safe for now.

The streets shine with moisture, yet my high-rise windows are inexplicably dry. Somehow the rain drives straight down onto the empty thoroughfare and all of a sudden, I want to give everyone I see an umbrella, just in case. I think about strangers often, I buy McDonald's giftcards for homeless people - I worry. I am alone a lot, it's a life I've chosen and it suits me. For now. Someday I'll look back and be able to appreciate this quiet time, this empty time, because then I will have something physical with which to fill it.

Until then, there is just me, and I am more than enough.

Why Reinvent The Wheel?

2010-06-18T19:10:00.002-05:00

It's Friday and I am tired. Therefore, what else could be more timely than a good ol' fashioned internet meme? YAY! Heh. This one is via AM who stole is from Zoot who stole it from someone else, and so on. I love the internet.

30 Questions:

1. It’s 2AM and you are not home. You are more than likely:
sleepwalking

2. What’s the last thing you spent more than $100 on?
a handbag - Kate Spade Sample Sale FTW

3. What do your bank checks look like?
umm, they're conservative and green and plain. no characters. no weirdness. it's a check, not a skin for my facebook page. PUT AWAY THE DISNEY CHECKS, PEOPLE, PLEASE.

4. Where did the shirt you are currently wearing come from?
I'm wearing two shirts - one from Kohl's (black tank) and the other is a cashmere-blend cardigan from Anne Taylor

5. Name something that will be on your Christmas wish list:
a genetic screening (complete edition) from 23andMe

6. What color is your toothbrush?
Purple

7. Name something you collect and tell us about it.
Do shoes count? No, seriously, I don't currently collect anything.

8. Last restaurant you ate at. Who were you with? How was it?
Nordstrom Cafe, Michigan Avenue/Northbridge Mall. I was alone. I ordered the Shrimp/Sweet Corn/Arugula salad. It was PHENOMENAL. How can anything with cheesy polenta croutons be bad?!

9. Who was the last person you bought a birthday card for?
My newly-97-year-old grandmother.

10. What is your worst bad habit?
Drinking waaaay too much diet coke. Also, being overly sarcastic for no reason whatsoever.

11. Name a magazine to which you subscribe?
Weight Watchers Magazine. Bon Appetit. Popular Mechanics.

12. Your favorite pizza toppings?
PEPPERONI.

13. Whose number were you looking up the last time you used a phone book?
the local Lowe's store

14. Other than family, who is the person that you love most?
Sean, obv. Also, my 4 best friends.

15. What is the last thing you cooked?
Hmm, I haven't cooked in awhile. Does fruit salad count?

16. Name something you wouldn’t want to buy used?
Underwear

17. Which shoe do you put on first?
Usually the left.

18. What is the last thing you remember losing?
Other than my mind? Umm, that would be my car keys.

19. What is the ugliest piece of furniture in your house?
I cannot answer this for fear of insulting my mother (whatever. it's totally the dining room table, chairs, and armoire - ICK)

20. Last thing you bought and ended up returning?
A whit silk ruffle-edged tank top from Banana Republic.

21. What perfume/cologne do you wear? If none, why?
I wear many - right now, it's primarily Cherie Miss Dior by Dior. If I'm lazy, I use a rollerball of Viva la Juicy by Juicy Couture.

22. Your favorite board game?
Trivial Pursuit.

23. What was the last board game you played?
I don't remember the name, but it was absolutely hilarious.

24. Where did your vehicle come from?
CarMax - Aurora, IL

25. If a movie was made about your life what would the theme song be?
This is a tough one, I couldn't say.

26. You’re sad, who can cheer you up easily?
My dog.

27. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to?
Burgundy.

28. What house cleaning chore do you hate to do the most?
Putting away the newly-cleaned laundry.

29. What is your favorite way to eat chicken?
Buffalo wings! Ranch, never bleu cheese. Ever.

30. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is?
Yellow cake w/chocolate frosting. Or spice cake with cream cheese frosting. I also hope the cake is edible - that's always a good start.

Reading

2010-06-16T18:09:00.001-05:00

When I came to the door, the undertaker glanced at the stump of finger. People generally do, but rarely with that professional gaze that notes: Left hand, second finger, first and second phalanx, yes, we could fix that with a wax prosthetic, a slender one, with a light Caucasian flesh tone, and we could use Kryolan foundation to cover the join, and we could fold the right hand over the left in the coffin, and Bob would be your mother's brother, madam.

I was thinking, Clever undertaker. If only I were dead, you could make a whole woman of me.

...

What is an adventure? That depends on where you are starting from. Little girls in your country, they hide in the gap between the washing machine and the refrigerator and they make believe they are in the jungle, with green snakes and monkeys all around them. Me and my sister, we used to hide in a gap in the jungle, with green snakes and monkeys all around us, and make believe that we had a washing machine and a refrigerator. You live in a world of machines and you dream of things with beating hearts. We dream of machines, because we see where beating hearts have left us.

Things I Don't Understand

2010-06-14T22:52:00.003-05:00

1. Herve Leger bandage dresses

2. why people like martinis - they taste like hairspray

3. people with denim shorts cut so short the pockets are visible/hanging down

4. security personnel on Segways

5. Federal tax code(s)

6. the appeal of David Letterman

7. why I can never seem to find re-runs of Roseanne on TV anymore

8. the official rules of tennis

9. people who think tea is a suitable substitute for coffee

10. anything written by Umberto Eco

Reading

2010-06-13T18:05:00.002-05:00

It is a function of shunning that it must eliminate the shunned completely. It feels like a murder, and is baffling because there is no grave; no hymns were sung to ease my going or to beg for God's blessing on my soul. Shunning is as precise as a scalpel, an absolute excision, leaving, miraculously, not a trace of a scar on the community body. The scarring is left for the girl, an intense, debilitating wound that weeps for the rest of her life. It's quite a price to pay for having scared sex on a beach on a foggy Labor Day night.

Miscellany: Bad Poetry

2010-06-11T09:02:00.005-05:00

On one hand
the crowds are here and growing
in desperation i will
scour and scrape the depths of my desk
for nourishment to keep
from going outside into the fray
kashi bar + smoked almonds = lunch

on the other hand it is friday
the end of a strange and
wonderful week
in which legends were fixed in our minds
and during which
i coughed and coughed seemingly without end
screw you, lungs

to delete the voice mails
ignore the inbox
pause for a moment, quiet the mind
may take herculean effort
but somehow i think i'll manage
from my sun-spotted seat on the screen porch
where the dog is cuddly and i am blessed

In Which I Out Myself as a Giant Bitch

2010-06-10T08:45:00.004-05:00

Recent Chicago sports news is going crazy today with the Blackhawks Stanley Cup celebrations - and they should! This is very, very exciting stuff and while I cannot claim to be a huge hockey fan, I know history making, "I was there when..." moments when I see them. The game last night was amazing to watch. It was fast-paced, interesting, and let's face it: regardless of the outcome, close games are always more thrilling. But my excitement pretty much ends there, as tomorrow's celebratory parade will sloppily and loudly conclude on the front door of my office. No, really, it will *literally* be on our property.

I have an open hatred for events downtown (and on a Friday! argh) that make it virtually impossible to get anywhere, for anything. (NOTE TO SELF: pack a damn lunch, because you won't be able to leave the building). And every location will be crawling with tourists and superfans. This has happened before (see: Oprah & the Black Eyed Peas) and it was as if I was working in the middle of a rock concert. I just can't get behind it. I cannot. I would sooner stick red hot pokers in my eyeballs. There's something about the wall-to-wall people and chaos that keeps me from enjoying something that should be (and for many, will be) good, clean fun. Sad, but true.

Maybe I could work from home? Probably not.

Signing off,
Whinypants McKilljoy

p.s. Seriously though, congratulations Blackhawks! Your success and top-notch sportsmanship brings honor and excitement to our city, and we love you.

Photo Credit: Nuccio DiNuzzo/Chicago Tribune

Reading: Other Blogs Edition

2010-06-09T14:00:00.000-05:00

Well it's no wonder this guy is such a great dad.

Sometimes the content of your character shows not through what you accomplish, but how you act...

Regarding Steak Nachos

2010-06-08T13:10:00.000-05:00

I think we can all agree that a plate of nachos is one of the most comforting sights known to man...or maybe that's just my take on comfort food, as I regularly dump my emotions into a burrito when another person might turn to something more traditional like chocolate, ice cream, or french fries. Ah well, each to their own.

Is there really anything better than getting to the bottom of a plate of nachos, and realizing the very last one is (a) yours (if you are sharing, which is clearly foolish), and (b) the best nacho on the entire platter? Perfectly stacked with an equal amount of each individual topping? Is that not just the most thrilling moment of the entire binge?!

No? Just me, then? (coughs) Carry on, then.

What I Have Been Doing OTHER Than Updating This Blog

2010-06-07T11:47:00.005-05:00

1. Feeling like death warmed over. A scratchy, swollen throat from last week (not strep! i hate you, universe! JUST GIVE ME SOME MEDS, DAMNIT) turned into a full day of dry, painful, lung-shaking hacking (Saturday = Wasted) which promptly turned into a sore, exhausted Sunday. Which, OF COURSE, means that today has been full of random, phlegmy coughing fits that produce the foulest of bodily contents...with a side order of mystery sneezes. You know, the kind of sneeze that rocks your entire torso and releases only God knows what?! Yeah. Somebody please pass the tissues.

2. Throwing my mother a surprise 65th birthday party. Everything went off without a hitch, and she was thrilled! Happy Birthday, Sally Field! (I don't have any photos of the surprise b/c I was the ruse, so if pictures do exist, I'm probably standing behind her making some inane or otherwise unforgettable-for-the-wrong-reason face)

3. Spending time with my niece and nephews at the Adidas Soldier Field 10-Mile. My BIL ran it, so I went downtown early to help my sister wrangle her offspring across town and back. The weather that day was incredible - just pushing 80 and sunny. We had a great time eating hot dogs for breakfast, and inadvertantly, repeatedly getting in the Governor's way. My nephew celebrated his daddy's great finish by hitting the bar:

He can stand up! BABYPROOFING TIME. Also, apparently time to hide...the Bailey's? Yuck.

4. Putting off a badly-needed haircut.

5. Experimenting with the Topsy Turvy strawberry planter. For those of you that are connected to me on Facebook, you know I've been something of a homesteader these past couple of months (I use that term very lightly, obviously).

I was having trouble with my strawberry plants, so Sean (ever the thoughtful, engineering-curious BF) came home from work one week with a Topsy Turvy in his suitcase. Not only did we transfer my strawberry plants to it, but added German Thyme, Cilantro, Sweet Basil, Jalapeno Peppers, Sweet Peppers, and a roma tomato plant. Nothing has died yet, so I'm officially declaring it a victory.

6. Fast-tracking a new tenant into my condo downtown, simultaneously clearing the place of all my residual furniture (the last lease was furnished), most of which now sits in the garage, awaiting our annual garage sale. As always, I cannot recommend USA Moving enough. Love them.

7. Trying to watch what I'm eating. Right now, I mostly just watch it as it makes its way into my mouth, but I'm paying attention! The first step to any problem is identifying the problem! Somebody pass the oreos!

Reading

2010-05-28T09:27:00.001-05:00

Quite good, as reviews go, and yet? Selfishly? Not what I wanted to hear.

Don't worry. This is a normal response to revisiting an essence-of-1990s-NYC experience and seeing it through 2010 eyes. And it's a natural reaction given that, in turning the blinged-out foursome into garish caricatures of their already outlandish selves, it seems the producers are just not that into us.

Reading: House Porn

2010-05-26T09:06:00.004-05:00

I want to kiss this house on the mouth. Not sure a beachy retreat can get any more sophisticated or earthy. Dream House Alert!

The house is one of many she has lived in and furnished since early adulthood, as her acting career has taken her from place to place.

Photo Credit: William Waldron, Elle Decor

List(ing) - Both Literally and Metaphorically

2010-05-25T09:03:00.002-05:00

Things I Didn't Expect to Like, but LOVE

- Sally Hansen Insta-Dri Nail Polish
- Kashi Pumpkin Spice Flax Bars
- Starbucks Double-Walled Cold Cup
- Shooter Jennings/Hierophant's new album
- Viva La Juicy Perfume

Things I Thought I Disliked and Still, In Fact, Dislike

- People who get in revolving doors and expect others to push them through
- Derek Hough
- Hot, humid weather

Reading

2010-05-14T09:14:00.002-05:00

"He's liable tuh do it too, Hicks. Ah hope so anyhow. Us colored folks is too envious of one 'nother. Dat's how come us don't git no further than us do. Us talks about de white man keepin' us down! Shucks! He don't have tuh. Us keeps our own selves down."

Breath In. Breath Out.

2010-05-12T18:55:00.003-05:00

Since turning 30 (my pre-determined "I'll have it all together by then" age), I've been feeling a bit topsy-turvy. One moment, I want to move to New Zealand to open a winery and ponder all this amazing world's possibilities, the next minute I'm crying because I haven't gotten married and/or had a baby yet. So many thoughts, so little time in which to make them more dramatic than they really need to be.

Earlier this week, a lovely, clever woman in my extended circle of friends lost her year-long battle with brain cancer. The wake was today, and let me tell you - seeing the sad, somehow radiant face of her lookalike daughter (my friend) was a huge HUGE wake up call. There was so much more to be said, and yet I could not speak. It seemed selfish to carry on a conversation when a part of someone's life is unraveling. All I could do was observe people talking about her amazing life (and it was a remarkable life indeed) and hope that wherever she was, she could hear it.

Next time I think my life is off-track, I vow to remember what kind of changes might lay in my path and be grateful for the wonderful things that are in my life right now, right this very minute. To look around me. To take it all in - to hold things in my hands and appreciate them while they are in my possession. To remember that not everything in my life can (or should) be planned and controlled.

Do me a favor today, and tell someone you love how special they are to you - and why.

Gloomy Tuesday

2010-05-11T13:23:00.000-05:00

Playlist from This Morning's Commute

"Crash Years" - The New Pornographers
"The Coast" - Court Yard Hounds
"All I Know" - Art Garfunkel
"Makin Plans" - Miranda Lambert
"Discombobulate" - Hans Zimmer
"Gracefully" - Court Yard Hounds
"Quitter" - Carrie Underwood
"Question of Lust" - Depeche Mode

Also sad that these fabulous things are so dang expensive! OH, LIME BASIL AND MANDARIN. I love you.

Reading

2010-05-08T18:56:00.002-05:00

So true. (shakes heads and laughs quietly to herself) So true.

You don't want to be standing there with your hands squarely on your hips like Superman if your friend was just talking about his dead grandmother.

Reading

2010-05-05T20:35:00.002-05:00

I wonder this: if you take a woman and push her to the edge, how will she behave?

Damn You, Red Hair

2010-05-04T23:20:00.003-05:00

Another week, another failed attempt at finding the perfect red lipstick.

Sigh.

Weekend Update: Snippets

2010-05-03T10:05:00.002-05:00

This past weekend was very good indeed. Hip hip! Here is a decidedly non-British list of things accomplished:

- Saw Alice Peacock and Peter Bradley Adams at Space in Evanston and the show was so, so good. Great time with my girls.

- Ridiculous amount of errands run (mental tag: Wal*Mart, Meijer, Homegoods, Kohl's, Michael's, Target, CVS, Best Buy, Barnes & Noble, Dominick's, Caputo & Sons, and Menard's) and now my car is very tired from parking spot/lot hopping.

- Amazing steak eaten (thanks, Sean!)

- First batch of ripe strawberries: rotted, sadly. Does anyone know how to keep them from drooping down into their own soil, or do I need to quit my job in order to remain perched on the back deck, waiting for them to ripen exactly so they can then be picked before they succumb to death-by-Miracle-Gro?

- Finished "I Capture the Castle" and surprisingly, loved it. Will plan to re-read before the year is out.

- First dish made with my garden ingredients - rosemary roasted potatoes. Dude - the rosemary and the chives! They are growing right out of their containers.

- Accidentally managed to shut the dog out of the house, and didn't notice his absence until at least 25 minutes later when I heard his oddly muffled barking from somewhere (I thought) inside the house. But he was obediently waiting outside the door at which I had left him, WITHOUT HIS COLLAR, barking to be let in to be with his people. Am still recovering from the internal panic attack/heart attack of what might have come to pass. We won't go into the logistics of why I thought he was already inside when I closed the door, as they seem insufficient in explaining away the guilt I feel.

- Went two entire days with no make-up. Blissful.

Cue the Carnival Music

2010-05-02T11:06:00.004-05:00

I'm not sure whether or not it was the 2.5 hours we spent there, or the intolerance I have for the ill-behaved children of strangers, but I have to say, our recent outing to Chuck E. Cheese was a trip. Had I known they had a liquor license (hey, I'm not the one driving!), I would have probably been able to mellow out a bit more...ah well, live and learn.

On the bright side, however, the kids truly enjoyed themselves. The headache that I got from unnecessary, self-induced crowd stress could easily be solved with an Advil, so all is truly well that ends well.

Reading

2010-04-29T09:30:00.002-05:00

Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression.

Weekly Exfoliation - The Sequel

2010-04-26T09:39:00.005-05:00

Will an exfoliation be a weekly thing for me? Let's hope so, but I also remain realistic that I'm not good at habits. Too flighty. (shrugs)

Last week, I was thinking blankly during my 15-minute morning routine about how I felt increasingly slow in the morning. If you know me at all, you know that I value sleep above pretty much everything else in life, including those items resting atop Maslow's hierarchy of needs - like FOOD. And that, dear friends, is saying something.

So in an effort to blow the dust off my morning routine, I exorcised my bathroom cabinet - and managed to shed about 15 pounds of old and/or unusued personal products. Now, I know some product hoes, and I will say that I don't keep a lot around as it is - my collection is tiny compared to some lovely people that I know. But size is not the issue - inactivity is my focus in this exfoliation.

I mean, c'mon. Am I really going to use those Whitestrips from 2008? No? What about the makeup remover wipes that I didn't really like, and that are mostly dry and useless now? Those seemed a good candidate to be tossed.

After I was done, I let open the windows and stared at my gorgeous, gleaming, somewhat bare cabinets with an incredible sense of peace - so peaceful that I'm almost embarassed to admit it. This exfoliation thing is awesome.

Piecemeal

2010-04-25T21:50:00.002-05:00

Last time I was conscious of the world around me, it was Tuesday. Then all of a sudden, it was Saturday and I was left scratching my head at the insanity. It was just one of those weeks, ya'll, and if you don't mind, I'll just be over here wiping the mud off my face from the tire marks that last week left all over me, as it sped away with my brain.

Apropos of nothing, there are a couple things fermenting in the ol' noggin, and I feel the need to get them out into the open. For what other purpose might I have this blog, anyhow?! Exactly.

- I've been totally mesmerized by this book, and how it makes a cabin in the woods seem like an ideal life right about now. I bought a copy weeks ago, and have just now started up - too bad the book is massive otherwise I'd bring it on the train to work every day. Reading this book makes me perform mental arithmetic like "If a train is moving..." except my version is more like "How many goats would I have to raise and milk in order to fully offset the environmental damage that I would do by taking a sledgehammer to my laptop, then dumping it in the small pond on my newly procured 40-acre plot of farmland?" I have yet to calculate the answer.

- My niece and nephew had a "sleepover" at the house this weekend, and we did fun things together like arts and crafts, and reading books, and laughing, and skipping, and going to Chuck E. Cheese for more than 2 hours...oh wait, did I say FUN things? Then scratch the Chuck E. Cheese part. Pictures and stories to follow.

- I injured my hand at the office last week, and the remaining pain has been somewhat irritating. I've had tendinitis before, but in my hand? Well that is a real pain. Literally. I have a newfound appreciation for people who suffer from arthritis, fibromyalgia, and the like. YEE-OUCH. Next up? Figuring out how to go to the bathroom without using my dominant hand. Good times.

- This week, I need to learn how to harvest chives and rosemary (some of my window box plants have begun to sprout out everywhere). Then, I should probably figure out what I can cook with chives and rosemary. Container garden FAIL. Suggestions welcome.

- My nephew Chase crawled today! Watch out, world.

Rises Like Olympus Above the Serengeti

2010-04-22T08:46:00.002-05:00

I went to some pretty great schools - my high school has been nationally ranked for excellence, and my college years were spent at one of the best public universities in the Midwest. So why is it, I ask you, that the only way I can remember the geographical location of Mt. Kilimanjaro is to sing the lyrics of "Africa" by Toto to myself?!

This deep thought has been brought to you by children of the 80's everywhere.

So Umm...I Had an Interesting Weekend

2010-04-18T18:18:00.006-05:00

Unusual, but hilarious and fun! Happy 30th Birthday, Adrienne!

Good For Your Skin, Even Better For Your Soul

2010-04-17T13:48:00.003-05:00

One of my new favorite websites, Makeunder My Life does a handy little life tool/exercise called "weekly exfoliation." It is basically the act of taking 10-25 minutes out of your day (once a week, hence the title) and finding things you can shed from your life - these things can be donated, or something as basic as pruning your cosmetics case to finally get rid of that mascara from college. (not that I would know about that, or anything. *looks at the ground*)

This week, I exfoliated three pair of shoes (in good condition) to a church shoe drive for Haitian earthquake victims (although I'll be honest, I'm not entirely sure they need those leather heels - but the point is that I don't need them, so farewell, heels I only wore twice)...and an entire bag of clothing that came out of my "spring/summer" clothing boxes and hadn't been worn in at least 2 years. I can't tell you the great sigh of relief that left my body upon recognizing that I will never wear those clothes again. Once upon a time, they were favorites, but it was guilt that kept them in my closet. How incredibly needless - all that guilt, and to think, someone else who needs this stuff can have it now.

So much better than staring angrily into my closet, wishing I were thinner and could "wear them again." In my heart of hearts, I could lose 30 pounds overnight, and still never wear that stuff again. GOODBYE STUFF. Have a lovely life. Next up: the chair o'doom, where my un-ironed clothing goes to die:

What can YOU exfoliate this week?

Reading

2010-04-13T22:52:00.002-05:00

As a rule, I do not recall my dreams. At the approach of day their plots inevitably fade. So why did last December's dreams etch themselves into my memory with the precision of a laser beam? Perhaps that is how it is with coma. Since you never return to reality, your dreams don't have the luxury of evaporating. Instead they pile up, one upon another, to form a long ongoing pageant whose episodes recur with the insistence of a soap opera. This evening, one such episode has come back to me.

Please don't hate me, internet, but I just didn't like this one. 2/5 stars. Meh.

Wise Words

2010-04-12T12:50:00.004-05:00

"Have you ever wondered why God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth? Perhaps we are to spend twice as much time listening than talking. A good pause would serve us well in the long run. Time and words are two things that, once gone, can never be recovered. We must take our time and weight our words before we release them."

I read this blurb in a book recently, and got full-body shivers. I have been known all my life (by various parties) for being mouthy. Precocious. Blunt. Outspoken. It's a behavior for which I have received both reprimands ("Jamie, you really should not have said that.") and compliments ("I know Jamie, she's the talkative redhead, right?"). My verbose, sarcastic nature is very much a part of my habits, my thoughts, and my worries. I always worry that I've said too much, said the wrong thing, not said enough, and the fret list goes on and on.

In the past weeks, I have come to the irritating-but-true conclusion that I do a lot of talking, but don't really say anything. Add to the mix a healthy dose of worry, and no matter how safe or discreet I may try to be, being a ladylike wallflower is just not in my personality DNA. Polite? Yes. Delicate and quiet? Umm, NO. Working in HR has certainly helped curb a lot of it, via several very uncomfortable mistakes that I remember all too vividly.

But enough self-flagellation. On with it. There are things to be said, and somebody must say them. I like to think of this as my calling. (sarcasm)

Friday Randomness

2010-04-09T09:26:00.002-05:00

Just a couple of things to share with you on this gorgeous, sunny day...

1. I have never understood the phrase "butt naked." Is the reference to buttocks supposed to imply or indicate nudity? I don't get it - just because someone has a butt doesn't necessarily mean they are naked. I find this utterly confusing. Mostly this term just irritates me.

2. I am the type of person who never truly finishes a personal product - I don't put a little water into the bottom of my mascara, or my foundation, I don't usually turn the ketchup bottle upside down, I find myself tossing deodorants that still have 1/2 inch of product remaining. I've always done this, and while I realize it's ultimately wasteful, it has become an habit unconsciously done. In my life, I've probably tossed the equivalent of 3-5 full sticks of deodorant. At the end of the day, this fact really doesn't bother me. Should it bother me?

Back in Glossy, Well-Manicured Action

2010-04-08T08:00:00.000-05:00

After a brief hiatus, DeLush is back in action! Wheee! Click here for my latest review. Enjoy!

Trip to Arizona: Desert Buggy Outing

2010-04-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

One of the coolest things we got the chance to do in Arizona was a trip in and around the Sonoran Desert in a Tomcar. I'm still not entirely sure what a "tomcar" really is, but I would describe it as a golf cart on giant shocks with a roll cage around it. On steroids.

We got a chance to learn more about the local landscape, see an eagle's nest (dutifully protected by the mama eagle) from afar, and return to our hotel ABSOLUTELY COVERED in desert dust. I started counting the people who teased me for wearing white, but eventually I ran out of fingers and toes, and was forced to stop keeping track. Sigh. All is well, however, for my favorite white cardigan, which came out of the washer looking as good as new. I know - you were worried.

The outing involved other mini-events, like my near heart attack prior to heading up a steep hill. (click on link for video) Needless to say, Sean drove the entire time. My primary job was to snap photos and scream my everloving face off. To that end, I say: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Oh, and a *huge* thank you to my good friend Heather, who has done this before, and suggested that I wear a sports bra. (click on link for video) That helpful tidbit was maybe more crucial to my having a good time on this trip than was our 50SPF sunblock, or perhaps our rental car. THANK YOU HEATHER, I HEART YOU IN ALL CAPS.

If you're ever in the area, I recommend our vendor Green Zebra Tours. They were knowledgeable and friendly - what more can a person ask for? Other than a guarantee that I won't die as a result of my participation, that is.

Monday Playlist

2010-04-05T16:33:00.001-05:00

My songs from this morning's commute:

Pump It Up - Elvis Costello
Four Seasons (Spring) - Antonio Vivaldi
Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa - Vampire Weekend
March to Battle - The Chieftains
All of this Could Have Been Yours - Shooter Jennings/Hierophant
Arthur's Theme (Best You Can Do) - Christopher Cross
One Last Look - Gin Wigmore
I've Got Your Number - Passion Pit

Trip to Arizona: Spring Training!

2010-04-03T18:55:00.006-05:00

I'm finally getting around to posting updates on our trip, so flog me if you must, but I will have you know that some very important things were happening this past week - events that demanded my time and attention, like the first elimination round of Dancing with the Stars. So you're just going have get over your disappointment, folks. Heh.

in a moment of brilliance, Sean decided we should try to snag tickets to a major league spring training game while we were nearby. After all, when is the next time we might find ourselves in Arizona? Right then. Carpe baseball it is.

We had really great seats - about midway up in the second tier of seating behind the third base line (is that even what it's called?). I could see the entire stadium, and thanks to my zoom lense, got some pretty cool shots.

Despite the above reference, this photo was actually taken by Sean, whose reflexes are apparently far better than my own.

I think our biggest surprise was the crowd - we were not prepared for the traffic into the complex, and to be honest, I dreaded the end of the game and it's inevitable parking lot of slow, outbound cars. Oh ho HO - it was not so, people. These baseball folks have the crowd control figured out, and all went smoothly. I didn't even have time to worry about how disgustingly sweaty I was! That is fast.

All in all, a fabulous day for the Cubs (who soundly beat the White Sox - crosstown classic! PWNED!) and for us, too.

Reading

2010-04-02T09:28:00.004-05:00

It was the tiny details that he could easily have missed if he had not been alert: some papers not as evenly stacked as he remembered; a binder not quite flush on the shelf; his desk drawer closed all the way - he was positive that it was an inch open when he left.

Someone had been inside his cottage.

Photo Credit: Best Little Bookshelf in Texas

Oh Boy. Literally.

2010-03-31T11:22:00.002-05:00

Can we all please just leave the poor boy alone to be a kid?!

How can you say someone is the best at something, when the rankings and metrics have never been applied below a certain age? Thank God his parents sound logical and grounded - this world is all too eager to grind child prodigies into the dust, once they have acquired their fifteen minutes of fame. And don't even get me started on my feelings about unethical recruiting in college sports. You don't want me to go there.

Bless his 10-year old heart.

Where's The Love?

2010-03-26T14:00:00.000-05:00

I feel like I've been seeing these around a LOT lately. I thought it might be hilarious to wear them to an upcoming mustache party (like a mustache for your forehead! no? so that's not going to fly, then? oh well), so I went online to see how much they cost. But there's no red bangs! NO RED BANGS, PEOPLE. What gives, Jessica?

Hrmph.

Zoot Suits

2010-03-26T09:01:00.003-05:00

Imagine my surprise this morning when I pop into my site stats page and notice a 5934820439% increase in traffic. (whatever, IT IS TOO a real measurement. heh) As it turns out, the fabulous Miss Zoot had put up a a great post and linked to this here little online journal. Welcome, Zoot readers! There are no cute babies here, but I can serve up a healthy dose of sarcasm, a splash of unsolicited judgment against celebrities in the news, and travel photos. So glad to have you! Thanks again, Zoot.

In turn, I am recommending a couple sites from my reader with which some of you might not be as familiar -

All Up in the Kool Aid has become a fast friend of mine online - for cute kiddos, news from South Korea, and vegetarian information galore.

Fam2Teachers is my sister's blog - she is pretty busy and doesn't always update, but you can rely on her for hilarious stories of the bizarre words that come of my niece and nephew's mouths.

Dysfunction Junction is a must-read. Nuff said.

Happy Friday, everyone!

Oh Mah Gah.

2010-03-24T19:36:00.005-05:00

I don't have the time or energy to list all the things that are heinously wrong about this.

Picture credit: yours truly, shot in bewilderment while hanging backwards out of the passenger side window of our rented Prius as we drove out of downtown Scottsdale.

List: Things That Are/Things I Cannot Explain About Myself

2010-03-23T13:02:00.002-05:00

Alternate Ranty Title: ONE CUP OF YOGURT DOES NOT A LUNCH MAKE

1. I dislike the croutons at Corner Bakery - way too crunchy. They hurt my mouth!

2. I find myself wearing this one bra repeatedly. I own more than one, yet somehow end up in the same one nearly every day (don't gag - I do launder it, duh). It's becoming seriously boring. Is this laziness? My love for routines played out in my choice of undergarments? Comfort? The world may never know.

3. Woman who see dieting as a given/obligation bother me. I want to enjoy my food, not be shamed into some tasteless Lean Cuisine just because all the women around me think it's what should be done. I'm tired of people looking at what I'm eating, then saying things like "Oh, wow, what a treat!" like my salad with beans in a massive piece of chocolate cake or something. DON'T PUT YOUR FOOD GUILT ON ME, LADY. My confusion on this issue consumes me (pun and hyperbole very much intended).

4. Now that I am living in a location with a yard, I have become obsessed with the idea of gardening this summer/fall. Suggestions?

5. Tuesdays are never as good as one wants them to be.

A Quiet Mind

2010-03-18T12:15:00.003-05:00

To know me is to recognize my endearing quirks, but to love me? Well, that requires a more developed skill set. I don't quiet down well - my mind is always racing. I thought our impromptu trip to Arizona might just be the golden ticket - the thing to bring me down off the carousel of my busy life.

I was right. (big deep breath)

I can see why people retire here. On the way into Scottsdale from the airport, I was looking out the window when I noticed that every car looked shiny and new. That is when I realized they weren't, in fact, all new - they were just clean. CLEAN. It's been so many months of winter in Chicago that I completely forgotten what a clean, shiny car looked like. We'll call it a seasonal coping mechanism.

Earlier today, I spent the morning doing triage on my work email and then took the operation outside, into the daylight. While I surfed the internet aimlessly, I enjoyed the sights and sounds so long past for us Chicagoans: birds chirping, gentle breezes rustling rough palm branches, the quiet, unmistakable slapping of flip-flops on pavers, in short? Heaven. I am so, so grateful for this opportunity to get away - mentally and physically.

Today is a really good day.

Watch Out Scottsdale, Here Come Jamie's Wintry White Legs!

2010-03-16T10:33:00.003-05:00

photo credit: Wikimedia

Sean and I leave tomorrow for Arizona - to attend a function related to the jeeb (his, not mine). He's getting an award (well-deserved) and part of the prize is a trip to a resort in Scottsdale. This means, of course, that I have spent the better part of the past 4 days trying desperately to figure out what in the SAM HELL I am supposed to wear.

What is "resort casual" anyway? My favorite color is grey, people. I don't own sundresses in bright, floral prints. The obvious solution is to just pack everything that fits, which is exactly what I plan on doing. (points to self) This little piggy's luggage will go schlep schlep schlep all the way to Phoenix.

We are making the trip into a long weekend, and have some great stuff planned - dinners, outings, tours, etc. I'm still open to suggestions, though, and would love your thoughts! Bring on the ideas!

Little Known Fact About Me:

2010-03-15T08:48:00.004-05:00

If I pass roadkill while driving, I close my eyes *very very briefly* and say a little prayer for the animal that once was.

Yesterday I saw a small deer lying peacefully near a ditch in my neighborhood - it could have easily been one of the resident grouping I see each morning on my way to the train, munching and wandering. It could be the one that eats my parents' landscaping each spring. It was lovely in its sleep, legs crossed daintily, it's eyes closed in peace. I slowed down so I could discern whether it might have still be breathing, but didn't see any signs of life. I fully understand the whole "circle of life" thing, but that doesn't make it a happy event. Sigh.

I Really Needed This Today

2010-03-12T10:05:00.002-06:00

(deep breath)

If you don't want to, you don't have to:
* aim for the corner office
* ever own a car again
* apologize for putting yourself first
* shave your legs
* care about American Idol/Grey's Anatomy/Lost
* feel guilty for caring about American Idol/Grey's Anatomy/Lost
* go to the bridal shower of that co-worker you don't really know
* get married
* have kids
* do anything other than be a fantastic wife and mother
* go out on Saturday night
* invest in real estate
* cook
* feel guilty about sleeping late
* go to grad school
* find your dream job immediately following college
* go to college
* tie your ego up in your possessions
* feel like to you need to make excuses for living a life that works for you

Thank you, Sarah, for the reminder.

What Could Have Been

2010-03-11T12:35:00.000-06:00

No way! So interesting.

Wet-nesday

2010-03-10T10:11:00.003-06:00

It's raining here, and could get above 50 degrees today (!), so OF COURSE my hair looks something like this:

Truly spectacular. And by "spectacular," I of course mean "pretty darn horrendous." PONYTAIL IT IS. You win, Spring.

Photo Credit: The B.S. Report

Reading: HAAAAAAAAA Edition

2010-03-09T08:00:00.000-06:00

And his mother took her cane and blocked me. So I couldn't get up there very fast.

Thank you, Salon.Com, for answering my most burning question from last night's duller-than-a-box-of-cotton-balls Oscars broadcast.

Photo credit: Salon.com

Reading

2010-03-08T08:00:00.001-06:00

My wife tells me I overthink. I don't think it's possible to do that, but I do admit that my tendency has always been to go first to the dark interpretation. Sometimes I attribute this to my mother's influence, despite her avowals to the opposite - for doesn't insistent optimism imply what one is all the time combating? My father, on the other hand, was inclined by nature to see the world as benevolent, which is why a good-humored pessimism was the mark of his bearing in the world. I guess, when it comes down to it, that I ended up more like my mother. I was wrong about the bathrobe, as it turns out. But I don't think I'm wrong about the other things.

Where in the Pacific Northwest am I?

2010-03-06T13:30:00.001-06:00

First one to guess correctly gets a prize!

Symmetry

2010-03-05T08:53:00.000-06:00

Dick Cheney is doing well, post-operation. Thanks for the emails and positive thinking, everybody. Sorry this update took me so long! My sister is also doing well, and I think might even be back at work (Joey, where are you, anyhow?) today.

Blessings all around.

Dem Bones

2010-03-02T23:05:00.002-06:00

I know I've been truly lousy about updating this here little blog lately, but with good reason: I'm BUSY, yo. So you'll have to forgive me for requesting a small favor from you, loyal reader.

My dad (known to most on this blog as "Dick Cheney") is undergoing his second total hip replacement surgery tomorrow afternoon. His other/previous procedure went as smoothly as can be expected, so I realize I shouldn't be worried. (And there's definitely a post in my brain somewhere about my sister's gallbladder removal procedure, done on Monday in roughly 25 minutes - that's less time and fanfare than my last trip through the Taco Bell drive-thru. Seriously! Lasers!!! Ah well, another story for another time...)

There is something about major surgery that brings an unpleasant tinge of mortality to the table - like when the hair stands up on the back of your neck - you're not injured, but it's not exactly a pleasant feeling. I'm calm, but I'm worried. It's a cautious, leery confidence.

So if you are at all spiritually inclined, please send your prayers/vibes/whathaveyous in the general direction of NW Memorial's orthopedic wing around 1:30 pm. My pops could use all the positive energy he can get. Thanks.

Olym-PICS

2010-02-24T22:31:00.002-06:00

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Olympics?! Get it?! (snort)

Alternate Title: In Which I Realize *Just Exactly* How Much Weight I've Gained in the Past Year Because I Cannot See My Cheekbones in ANY Of These F*(%$*#ing Photos

Click here for the Flickr set which is, admittedly, a work in progress.

Reading: The Olympic Edition

2010-02-24T08:59:00.001-06:00

She'd have had their hearts if she'd never moved an inch.

Home Again Home Again

2010-02-21T19:10:00.002-06:00

That week seriously flew by. Pictures up soon on Flickr and all that, but I have this to say in the interim:

If you get a chance to see the Olympics in person, DO IT. In one week, I managed to meet a member of the US Luge team (in a bar, natch), take a float plane ride over the Vancouver coast, see some amazing live hockey, become truly intrigued and curious over curling, and get my entire body scrubbed with Moroccan Sea Salt! Who knew? The possibilities are endless.

More later.

Second verse, same as the first!

2010-02-14T08:00:00.000-06:00

Here are the next 25 items.

Jamie's Life List - Part 2 of 4

26. Take a self-defense class
27. Go to Oktoberfest in Munchen
28. Ride a cross-country train
29. Buy a piece of turquoise jewelry in New Mexico
30. Attend a reading by the author @ a library or museum
31. Practice yoga regularly
32. Vacation in an Oregon Yurt
33. Throw a baby shower
34. Attend a winter Olympics
35. Attend a summer Olympics
36. Implement grey water/rainwater barrels at home
37. take a winery tour in New Zealand
38. Have my picture taken from a boat in Sydney Harbor with the Opera House in the background
39. See a ballet at Lincoln Center in NYC
40. Start a charity in my grandmother's name to empower people to quit smoking
41. Eat vegetarian for 1 month
42. Donate my hair again
43. Stay at The Greenbrier
44. Own my own dance studio
45. Spend a week on a dude ranch
46. Take cooking classes to increase my confidence in the kitchen
47. Have a hammock in the backyard
48. See the Amazonian rainforest
49. Take a roadtrip up the coast of Maine
50. Set foot in all 50 states

Vancouver Me, I'm Going in: Travel Edition

2010-02-12T20:00:00.000-06:00

Dude! We're off to the Olympics! I am, as the snowboarders would say, STOKED. We have hockey, halfpipe, and curling tickets.

Is it too nerdy to admit that I cannot wait to see what curling is all about? Oh well. A couple drafted posts will go up in my absence, so don't go away just because I did the same. Perhaps I'll log in from the road, and blog about the Seattle breakfast I have been dreaming about for nearly two years now. Gee, won't that be scintillating travel writing at its very best? Ahem.

I'll be back before you know it!

Mighty Life List - Part 1 of 4

2010-02-11T08:00:00.000-06:00

Cliche as it may well be amongst the blogging community, I quite like the idea of having a Mighty Life List. There is something to be said for the relative accountability of putting something in writing, and it is FAR more pleasant a phrase than "bucket list," don't you think? So without further ado, I present to you (in installments) my mighty life list...

Jamie's Mighty Life List - Part 1 of 4

1. Partake in the Cherry Blossom Fest in Washington D.C.
2. Wear a large hat at the Kentucky Derby
3. Witness the Iditarod
4. Have a child
5. Learn to keep succulents
6. Go ziplining
7. Swim w/dolphins
8. Go an entire day without speaking
9. Make my own bed linens/curtains
10. Volunteer regularly
11. Grow vegetables
12. see Ireland
13. Take my niece and nephews camping overnight
14. Learn to tango
15. Purchase a cabin on Lake Michigan (shared with K, K, and J and their families) to share
16. Make a quilt
17. Drive a hybrid car
18. Compost
19. Stop using the snooze button on my alarm clock
20. See Lake Louise/Banff, AB, Canada
21. Keep saving until my emergency fund is $5,000+
22. Go fishing
23. Foster an animal
24. Have a kitchen full of mismatched but beloved coffee mugs
25. Learn to ask for help

Reading

2010-02-08T07:59:00.001-06:00

Wow, Super Bowl ad men really hate Super Bowl ad women this year, don't they? The dark flip side of the Dove for Men commercial, this one zooms in on a group of beaten men listening to a litany of irritations men put up with from women. In exchange for which, they will damn well drive the goddamn car they want to. The narrator, if my ears were correct, was Dexter's Michael C. Hall, leading me to half expect one of these bitter hubbies to snap and kill someone. Dodge: Because it beats going on a murder spree!

Dear Anthropologie,

2010-02-07T08:00:00.000-06:00

You know I love you. I do. I tenderly turn the pages of your monthly catalog and think (sometimes) that it really is a piece of weird, retail art. Your accessories have me wrapped around their little, beady fingers. But we have to talk about something.

Your clothing is killing me slowly. Why are all the dresses that I love so beautiful on paper, but tragic in real life? WHY?! I'm petite and curvy, not a hunchback or an amazon. Every time I try to rock one of your gorgeous dresses, I am one wrinkly trenchcoat away from being that really sad, old woman who wanders around Michigan Avenue in every layer she owns, with a spackled layer of blusher on her cheeks?! WHY?!

Please turn down the granny. Puh-lease?

Regards,
Jamie

photo credit: Breakfast at Anthropologie Blog

Another Year, Another Weight Loss Bitch Session

2010-02-05T12:24:00.003-06:00

So here we are again, Mr. Scale. I refuse to make you my nemesis, rather preferring that you just acquiesce and give me a number that I like. EVEN BETTER, give me whatever number you want and tell my body to change it's own shape so that I don't have to be responsible AT ALL. That would be excellent.

Here's the deal - my cousin is getting married on the beach in Mexico at the very end of July. We've crafted something of a family reunion out of the excursion, and while I love my cousins dearly, I don't love how (seemingly) naturally skinny they are (and they've all had at least 2 children!). This year, my sister and I decided that we weren't going to take their fantastic genetics lying down. This year, we banish the jiggle - and maybe along with it, some of our issues regarding food and our bodies.

My initial thoughts vered into the extreme (as I am wont to do, sadly) and I immediately thought "P90X! It's a no brainer!" and then I realized that my last good workout was the half marathon. 5 MONTHS AGO. So umm, yeah - that's option was out.

Instead, I'm opting for a gentler version of Tony Horton's fitness machine, Power 90. I started a couple days ago and while I'm a little sore, it hasn't been that bad. If anything, the worst part is the food - my old friend Snickers and I had to part ways. (sob) But on the upside, I already feel better about myself, about my body. This will be a great thing in the end, even if I don't lose a single pound.

It's nice to be moving again. I don't know why I held off for so long - stupid and lazy (and convenient!) I guess. Not sure how much blogging I'll be doing about the weight loss thing, but wanted to put this out there as a reminder: take care of yourselves! Be good to yourself! You are the only you that you have.

Reading

2010-02-02T21:52:00.002-06:00

"Of course I punctuate my text messages, I did A-level English," one young man explained with a look of scorn. Evidently an A level in English is a sacred trust, like something out of The Lord of the Rings. You must go forth with your A level and protect the English language with your bow of elfin gold.

Given the chance to meet the author of this book, a rather cheeky woman named Lynne, I might be forced to run away with her forever. That's how much I love this book.

Thursday Singalong

2010-01-28T08:00:00.002-06:00

I cannot stop checking the comments on this CNN blog entry about influential film soundtracks. I am a huge soundtrack buff, and the comments on this post are unreal! With so many deserving films from which to choose, it's a damn wonder they were able to narrow it down to just 15.

If they ever do a television series soundtrack list, the soundtrack of Thirtysomething must be on it, or I will disown CNN/Time Warner.

What is YOUR favorite film soundtrack? Do tell.

Creepy Much?

2010-01-26T21:20:00.001-06:00

You know, I would have a lot easier time dispelling horoscopes in general if mine weren't SO EERILY ACCURATE. If it pleases the court, may I present Exhibit A: