After a long conversation with a good friend of mine, I had a small, but valuable epiphany. What is it about being brought up "Midwestern" that enables us to completely FORGET about ourselves, in order to avoid conflict/disagreement/general unhappiness with someone else?
I've heard about "Minnesota Nice" but this is crazy. Perhaps we will call it "Illinois Indulgence." And by indulgence, I mean strategic self-sacrificing. My friend called me to chat and to vent (I am great at giving advice, by the way, but only to other people-- I suck when it comes to solving my own problems as rationally as I can solve the problems of others). After hearing this friend's story, I was obliged to look inward and make sure that I was practicing what I was preaching.
I discovered something scary: I DO IT ALL THE TIME. I found that I frequently compromise what I feel is right/good/smart in order to avoid conflict with others. In some situations, it is simply easier to put your own concerns and issues aside for the greater good-- Ayn Rand bedamned. I was brought up to talk things out, and avoid conflict as often as possible. 99% of the time, this is a great strategy! But it doesn't take into account all the people involved- it doesn't take ME into account.
Don't mistake this, however, for a fishing expedition for compliments, a lot of it is unconscious. So I'm going to make a concerted effort to pay attention to the way I treat myself, even if this posting does sound like something Dr. Phil prescribed. (I greatly dislike him, by the way, talk about a God complex)
I encourage everyone out there to remember that you can "all get along" and still get what you want out of life. You may have to be crafty to do it, but it's possible.
I've heard about "Minnesota Nice" but this is crazy. Perhaps we will call it "Illinois Indulgence." And by indulgence, I mean strategic self-sacrificing. My friend called me to chat and to vent (I am great at giving advice, by the way, but only to other people-- I suck when it comes to solving my own problems as rationally as I can solve the problems of others). After hearing this friend's story, I was obliged to look inward and make sure that I was practicing what I was preaching.
I discovered something scary: I DO IT ALL THE TIME. I found that I frequently compromise what I feel is right/good/smart in order to avoid conflict with others. In some situations, it is simply easier to put your own concerns and issues aside for the greater good-- Ayn Rand bedamned. I was brought up to talk things out, and avoid conflict as often as possible. 99% of the time, this is a great strategy! But it doesn't take into account all the people involved- it doesn't take ME into account.
Don't mistake this, however, for a fishing expedition for compliments, a lot of it is unconscious. So I'm going to make a concerted effort to pay attention to the way I treat myself, even if this posting does sound like something Dr. Phil prescribed. (I greatly dislike him, by the way, talk about a God complex)
I encourage everyone out there to remember that you can "all get along" and still get what you want out of life. You may have to be crafty to do it, but it's possible.
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