For some reason, I am really missing Tennessee today. Hell, I only lived there for a year and change...I have no idea what's come over me. Sometimes I think that I just wasn't brave enough to follow through on the opportunities that I was given during that time in my life. I hate, hate, hate looking back with regret on how certain decisions were made, and how I handled certain parts of my professional life. I spent so much of my time there thinking about how much I missed Illinois and completely overlooked all the amazing things I could have done in Tennessee. It's a shame.
The real shame is that I want so badly to go back and do it over. Even though I'm VERY happy with my life right here, right now. Regret isn't something that sits well with me, especially since it stems from my own lack of mental clarity and confidence. I remember sitting on my little lawn chair, on the little patio in the back of my little house, feeling PARALYZED. Simultaneously frightened that I was all alone, and exhilarated at the thought that I was doing something different. Something no one I knew had done - gone off by myself to another state, another culture, and pursued a job that I knew I would love and excel at. Sadly, all I could focus on was the isolation. Why is that?
Maybe I just miss that time in my life, when I truly thought that anything was possible. I suppose it still is.
The real shame is that I want so badly to go back and do it over. Even though I'm VERY happy with my life right here, right now. Regret isn't something that sits well with me, especially since it stems from my own lack of mental clarity and confidence. I remember sitting on my little lawn chair, on the little patio in the back of my little house, feeling PARALYZED. Simultaneously frightened that I was all alone, and exhilarated at the thought that I was doing something different. Something no one I knew had done - gone off by myself to another state, another culture, and pursued a job that I knew I would love and excel at. Sadly, all I could focus on was the isolation. Why is that?
Maybe I just miss that time in my life, when I truly thought that anything was possible. I suppose it still is.
<< Home