Dear new neighbor,
It was so nice to meet you last night at MIDNIGHT and to be ambushed into a 20-minute conversation. I think it's just HILARIOUS that we both have small, black dogs. I'm sorry that yours is a hyper, yappy, super-annoying Pomeranian that is desperately in need of professional grooming. I thought it was a little weird when you started asking me what my apartment looked like, but I figured someone who has a purse dog and was dripping in Tiffany's chain link jewelry wouldn't attack/rape/murder me in my home. I don't care if you see my sink full of dirty dishes. Oh, and thanks so much for that look of pity when you asked me where I was from and made it clear that I grew up in a non-cool suburb. Obviously I should have lied.
Then you invited me to see how different YOUR apartment was compared to mine. I went along with it, to be polite, until I realized that you are a breed of slob that has previously been unknown to modern science. I can overlook the fact that you just moved in, but I cannot overlook your dog's shit ALL OVER THE FLOOR EVERYWHERE and 5 (!) cups of open yogurt on your bedside table. No, I don't want to know what that's all about. It's your apartment, do with it what you will.
In an answer to your question, no, I don't think you should bug our landlord about repainting your apartment. If you'd ever cleaned a wall, you'd know that those marks on your kitchen door frame would easily come off with a little scrubbing. Water + Rag + Soap = Clean. Memorize this ASAP. You scare me a little, in a very non-threatening way that makes me want to avoid you at all times. Please don't ever come over to borrow a cup of sugar. I don't have any.
Have a nice day.
Sincerely, Jamie
P.S. I have to slam the back door to get it to shut properly. Sorry 'bout that.
P.P.S. Yes, I CAN hear your dog barking all the damn time. But I lied and said "no, of course not" because I feel guilty that my dog barks occasionally as well.
It was so nice to meet you last night at MIDNIGHT and to be ambushed into a 20-minute conversation. I think it's just HILARIOUS that we both have small, black dogs. I'm sorry that yours is a hyper, yappy, super-annoying Pomeranian that is desperately in need of professional grooming. I thought it was a little weird when you started asking me what my apartment looked like, but I figured someone who has a purse dog and was dripping in Tiffany's chain link jewelry wouldn't attack/rape/murder me in my home. I don't care if you see my sink full of dirty dishes. Oh, and thanks so much for that look of pity when you asked me where I was from and made it clear that I grew up in a non-cool suburb. Obviously I should have lied.
Then you invited me to see how different YOUR apartment was compared to mine. I went along with it, to be polite, until I realized that you are a breed of slob that has previously been unknown to modern science. I can overlook the fact that you just moved in, but I cannot overlook your dog's shit ALL OVER THE FLOOR EVERYWHERE and 5 (!) cups of open yogurt on your bedside table. No, I don't want to know what that's all about. It's your apartment, do with it what you will.
In an answer to your question, no, I don't think you should bug our landlord about repainting your apartment. If you'd ever cleaned a wall, you'd know that those marks on your kitchen door frame would easily come off with a little scrubbing. Water + Rag + Soap = Clean. Memorize this ASAP. You scare me a little, in a very non-threatening way that makes me want to avoid you at all times. Please don't ever come over to borrow a cup of sugar. I don't have any.
Have a nice day.
Sincerely, Jamie
P.S. I have to slam the back door to get it to shut properly. Sorry 'bout that.
P.P.S. Yes, I CAN hear your dog barking all the damn time. But I lied and said "no, of course not" because I feel guilty that my dog barks occasionally as well.
<< Home