As I get older, I find myself wondering things that I never thought I'd even notice. Like the passage of time. Much to the entertainment of whomever is standing in my immediate vicinity, I sometimes wonder aloud. Things just fly out of my mouth, what can I say?
Evidence that I cannot handle the velocity of my own life
- The Taste of Chicago starts in 4 days. 4 DAYS. Where did June go?
- My niece just turned 3, and recently informed me that I am silly and should take a time out. Okay, then. I'll get right on that, ma'am.
- I realized this morning that I've been driving for almost 10 years. That's a decade. A MOTHERF***ING DECADE.
- If not for my job, sometimes I would pass the length of an entire day without talking to anyone but my dog.
- As of this month's end, both of my parents will be retired.
- I am disgusted by the clothing in the "juniors" section of every department store I enter.
- I find The Golden Girls increasingly funny, the more I watch of it.
- I have a varicose vein in my left, outer thigh/leg area. Sally Field (a registered nurse) attributes it to a lifetime of dancing. I attribute it to the fact that I'M GETTING OLDER OH MY GOD SO WHY NOT JUST JUMP RIGHT INTO UGLY, VEINY LEGS WHILE I'M AT IT?
And the real kicker...
- I can now get solidly drunk off of 3 beers. Sometimes less.
Evidence that I cannot handle the velocity of my own life
- The Taste of Chicago starts in 4 days. 4 DAYS. Where did June go?
- My niece just turned 3, and recently informed me that I am silly and should take a time out. Okay, then. I'll get right on that, ma'am.
- I realized this morning that I've been driving for almost 10 years. That's a decade. A MOTHERF***ING DECADE.
- If not for my job, sometimes I would pass the length of an entire day without talking to anyone but my dog.
- As of this month's end, both of my parents will be retired.
- I am disgusted by the clothing in the "juniors" section of every department store I enter.
- I find The Golden Girls increasingly funny, the more I watch of it.
- I have a varicose vein in my left, outer thigh/leg area. Sally Field (a registered nurse) attributes it to a lifetime of dancing. I attribute it to the fact that I'M GETTING OLDER OH MY GOD SO WHY NOT JUST JUMP RIGHT INTO UGLY, VEINY LEGS WHILE I'M AT IT?
And the real kicker...
- I can now get solidly drunk off of 3 beers. Sometimes less.
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