Insult upon Injury
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
When I picked up the phone, you sounded like a telemarketer so I rolled my eyes. As I was drawing breath to request that I be permanently taken off your call registers, you informed me of who you were. After 4-1/2 years, you just up and call me one day to tell me you're nearby and that you want to hang out?

What?!

The sound of your voice grates on my nerves as I try to find out what the hell you want from me. I thought maybe you were calling to "make amends" as part of some multi-step recovery program for drugs and alcohol. I thought I would give you a couple minutes to blabber on before you said what you had called to say. That is the last time I will ever give you the benefit of the doubt. You became defensive and seemed surprised that I would still be angry with you. You didn't feel that you'd wronged me, which is a clear indication that you are still as delusional NOW as you were when we were dating. Any blanket apologies that you made during that phone call were not only insincere, but unnecessary, insulting, and (now) completely irrelevant to my life.

I completely lost my shit on the phone, and I'm madder than hell about it. Now, YEARS LATER, those feelings of being hurt, being cheated on, being leaned on and then tossed callously aside -- they're still fresh in my mind, and more overwhelming than you could ever imagine. They remind me of times of low self-esteem, times of weakness, bad decisions that I made, and things I regret. HOW DARE YOU call me up and expect me to let you back into my life, on ANY level?! I wrote you off for many reasons - the primary one being that I no longer viewed you a value-add to my life. Not surprisingly, this is something that we (apparently) don't agree on. Why would I ever want to start up a friendship with you? The chief lesson I learned from our miserable, rollercoaster of a relationship was to stand up for myself, and defend my needs. So I'm going to do just that, right now.

Yes, your philosophical leanings and ridiculous, pseudo-profound, rhetorical questions about the meaning of life still annoy the everloving shit out of me.

No, I don't want your home phone number.

Yes, you broke my heart.

No, I don't want to be friends with you.

Yes, I'm glad you've found the Lord. Go talk to him - he's probably the only mutual friend we will ever have.

No, I'm not judging you because you used to have a serious drug problem.

Yes, I think our relationship was a valuable learning experience.

No, I won't be your crutch anymore.

I don't need friends like you, and I won't feel guilty because you claim I'm one of the people you feel you can trust in this life. Hollow words from a selfish boy. I have wonderful friends who would never intentionally hurt me, break me down, or expect something from me that I cannot give. I have an amazing boyfriend - a REAL man who respects me, loves me, and makes me laugh at least once every day.

I don't need you anymore. Don't ever call me again.