It's Craptastic!
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
(sung to the tune of Tennessee Ernie Ford's "Sixteen Tons")

Half an hour late, and what do ya get?
A nasty stench, and a gift from your pet.
He's torn apart your shelves just to take a quick nap,
and left you a surprise - a steaming pile of crap!

(wild applause! wild applause!)

For the second time in as many weeks, Doc has decided that he can't wait until I come home to relieve himself all over the carpet. Not to mention that he keeps choosing the spot of carpet right in front of the Christmas tree. Perhaps he's offering up gifts to the Baby Jesus, perhaps he just can't keep it in...either way, it's seriously wearing on my nerves. I almost took a picture of the incident, but as far as I know, no blogger telling a story about poop (canine or otherwise) has ever posted a photo of said excrement. I'm not about to be the first to offend. Instead, I present you with a photo of the area after the biohazard team swept through -- (click to enlarge)

Underneath the three heaviest books that I own is a towel. Soaking up the remainder of the soapy water and rinse water, it will soon be added to a small pile headed for either a bleachy bath, or the incinerator. Perhaps I will send the dog there along with the towels, because this is too much for me to handle.

I really don't want to crate him for the entire day (which I did for about 2 years) but if it keeps him from pooping all over creation, I don't see as I have a choice in the matter.

Let's add, now, to the mix. Instead of just lying on the couch during the day, or curling up on the big bed, Doc chooses to pull the clean laundry off of my dressing area shelves and make himself a nest. If there's dirty laundry about, he prefers that, but since I temporarily have my act together? No underwear and sweatpants in which to nestle.

It's a dog life. Witness last night's destruction - including an actual tipped shelf, spilled exercise clothing, and my fleece robe pulled half out of the hamper.

Can you find the sleeping area? It was still warm when I got home - I suppose taking an enormous DUMP was really exhausting. I'll help you out...

The orange circle is the sleeping spot. The green arrow points to a bin of hats, now upside down. He has tipped, and slept in, those before. The pink arrow indicates the location of aforementioned detached shelf. The yellow arrows point out a bin of exercise clothing and pair of thermal leggings. You know, because I ski and exercise SO OFTEN. The red arrow points to an embarassing pair of brown clogs that I bought at Payless a year ago, and refuse to get rid of because they're so damn comfortable, and they make me feel like the owner of a bed & breakfast in Vermont.

I just can't wait to see what awaits me when I get home tonight. Or can I?