Open Letter to Marc Jacobs
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Hey Marc.

I'm really proud of you for overcoming massive personal trauma, getting out of rehab more fit and fabulous than ever! The fashion world loves you, and I'm so excited about your new line of perfumed spritzes for summer.

That being said, the Pear spray smells absolutely horrendous on me. The grapefruit is way too sweet, and the basil reminds me of the loose spices on a goat cheese and portabello panini.

Can you please re-release Cucumber? PUH-LEASE? Pretty, pretty please with banana split on top? Promise?

Okay, then.