Hey Mama
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Dear Mom,

I'm coming out of a self-imposed blogging moratorium to wish you a Happy Mothers Day. I've been thinking a lot lately about where my life is going, who I am becoming, and whether or not I even like the direction my life has taken. Totally unlike you, I struggle with being positive. And much like you, I am driven internally by things I cannot describe - forces that cause me to constantly question myself, my actions, my choices. I am always going, moving, doing and even when I go through a lazy phase, EVEN THOUGH I know a rest is good for everyone now and then, it never fails to make me feel guilty.

My life has been a little nutty over the past decade. I am trying desperately (or at least it feels that way) to figure out what I'm "supposed to be doing," and have failed a couple times. You see that I am my own worst critic, and your support is unwavering. I am lucky and grateful because even when I doubt myself, I have you in my corner.

You stood by me through a 1200 mile relocation (and miserable, unsure return), a stoner boyfriend who broke my heart, bad decisions (and bad grades) in college, several auto accidents with the family car, and even those awful times when I really said the WRONG thing and knew it.

Despite our differences, I know that your chief concerns are my health and happiness. I promise to try and remember that next time I'm needlessly short with you on the phone because I'm distracted by other things, or the next time I vehemently disagree with you on something and fail to phrase it diplomatically. (or correct your pronunciation of the words "fajita" or "costume" because...just...ARGH)

Thank you for being close enough to count on, and far enough away to allow me to make mistakes. I love you!