Faceplant is More Like It
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
I have spouted off in recent months about Facebook and my personal thoughts on it. I have a Facebook page, but I'm terribly strict about who I "let in" as I feel it's still my perogative to act as a bouncer for my online identity.

That said, I am absolutely not above doing a little photo album sleuthing. It is so interesting to me what people have been up to lately! Having even a small amount of access to Facebook allows me to see children, homes, lifestyle events, friends, etc. The amount of information some people have put on their FB profiles is terrifying to me...and resultingly, my photo collection is minimal.

But what it does allow me to do, ultimately, is wonder. I'm talking about the good ol' "woulda coulda shoulda" kinds of introspection. What would I have done if I hadn't gone there? Should I have left that job? If I hadn't moved away, would I still be happy? Should I have settled down early and had those 2-3 children I swore I was going to have before the age of 30? What if? What now?

Sometimes it's all a little too much. I'm thrilled to see all the wonderful developments in my friends' lives - beautiful babies, weddings, coming outs, new jobs, new haircuts, you name it. They deserve all the happiness in the world! But it also makes me wonder if I haven't somehow let it all pass me by.

It's the classic single girl curse, really - don't go thinking I'm fishing for compliments. I love my life, I love to travel, I have a loving and supportive family, I have a good job that I enjoy, an intelligent, funny, committed BF and the list goes on. But when other people move past me (developmentally speaking), there's a part of me that winces and wonders if I haven't missed the boat.

And I wonder if people see my Facebook profile - which represents a mere FRACTION of my actual life - and judge me for the part of my life that I make public. It is completely arrogant to think that anyone spends enough time thinking about me to even register judgmental thoughts. Yet, it still crosses my mind on occasion.

Sometimes, I think it would be easier to pull my profile, pull this blog, and just leave everyone wondering what became of me. It would definitely have been easier to write this post, then delete it - as if to ignore these thoughts, and not publish the words that no single women are supposed to admit. But instead, I'm going to hit that stupid orange button and throw caution to the wind.

Because life doesn't always turn out the way you think it will. People don't always act the way you think they should. Nature takes its course whether or not you feel you made the right decision. Because regrets are pointless.