The Reality of the Situation Is This
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I turn 30 in August. The birthday itself is merely a date, but the significance of the things I thought I would have done by now weigh heavily on my mind. It seems an appropriate time for a little introspection.

There are parts of my life that I always thought I would have wrapped up and completed by my 30th birthday. (no idea why, I just did) Big parts that, on occasion, feel like gaping holes. It's like being followed around by an irritating shadow that nags silently, "What have you been doing all this time?" and while I'm mostly able to smack that shadow square across the face and see my life for the wonderful, blessed thing that it is, I can't shake the feeling that my 12 year old self would be disappointed in me.

I decided this evening that I'd focus on what I could do to better myself - to get myself to the place where I always wanted to be at that magical, mystical age of 30. The first step is getting back into shape, and this time, I'm not kidding around. I won't be changing anything on this blog to reflect my progress, other than some occasional posts that seem relevant or significant - no weight loss numbers, no sidebar tickers where a little cartoon redhead gets thinner as you scroll from left to right. It's not about being thin(ner) - it's about liking what I see in the mirror every morning. It's about trying to become the best possible version of myself. That started tonight with 40 minutes of speed walk/run on the treadmill, and I'm not dead! Imagine that! It's the ultimate slacker epiphany!

I will not have another birthday where I sit around and idly celebrate while visions of unchecked "to do in life" items flash in my head. I will make an effort. I will be stronger in so many ways because I put in the work to get there. I will start that antique mirror collection that I've always wanted to have displayed in a cluster on my living room wall. I will make smarter choices with my money. I will remember that I am not the only person who has gone through whatever drama is going on in my life. Maybe I'll even rock a bikini on my 30th birthday. We'll see.

Update, Weds. morning 11:24 am: As it turns out, raisins are not the satisfying midday snack that I recall from my childhood. Dammit.