Put Your White Athletic Socks On and Slide Across the Floor With Me Thursday, December 31, 2009

This blog has been sahara-quality-DRY lately, and I'm sorry for that. Can we kiss and make up please? In order to grease your wheels, I'm kicking it old school for you as we give 2009 the heave-ho...a list of music! Just because I'm awesome like that.

Jamie's Top 10 List of Songs to Which You Should Dance in Your Underwear

10. "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" - Whitney Houston
9. "SOS" - Rihanna
8. "(I Always Feel Like) Somebody's Watching Me" - Michael Jackson
7. "Once in a Lifetime" - David Byrne
6. "This Time" - Bryan Adams
5. "The Rhythm is Gonna Get You" - Gloria Estefan & the Miami Sound Machine
4. "Playing with the Boys" - Kenny Loggins
3. "Oye Como Va" - Tito Puente
2. "Let's Get Loud" - Jennifer Lopez

In the NUMERO UNO position, the best panty dancing song of all time...
1. "Should've Known Better" - Richard Marx

Yes, it is true: If you do not love Richard Marx, then we can no longer be friends.

Happy New Years, everyone!

Oh HO HO HO Thursday, December 24, 2009

Punishment for those of you bored enough to be surfing blogs on Christmas Eve...from Swistle.

Eggnog or hot chocolate?
Aack! Never eggnog. Never. Hot chocolate, by default.

Does Santa wrap the presents or leave them open under the tree?
Umm, I have no kids, and Santa doesn't give the dog anything...so how to answer? I wrap gifts - unwrapping and the element of surprise is the whole point. Nothing goes unwrapped - NOTHING.

Colored lights on a tree or white?
WHITE. White only. Apparently I am a holiday decor Aryan.

Do you hang mistletoe?
No. I'm sure this will surprise exactly NONE of you, as I am the least schmoopy person on the planet.

When do you put your decorations up?
As soon as Thanksgiving is over, assuming I have my act together.

What is your favorite holiday dish?
Pumpkin bars, party potatoes, roasted asparagus

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Yes, only one - traditionally pajamas for the entire family to wear in total embarassment on Christmas morning. Ahh, memories.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
White lights, homemade (almost entirely) ornaments. I think each ornament should have a story - even if it's a Star of David made from drinking straws. Ahem.

Snow: love it or hate it?
AHHHHH LOVE IT. Can't get enough. Especially the light, cumulative kind that makes everything look glittery.

Can you ice skate?
Indeed, I can. I use to skate quite a bit, but quit when that pesky axel came up in my training "to do" list. I like my ass unbruised - even at the ripe old age of 11, I knew me best, what can I say?

What is your favorite holiday dessert?
Chocolate-covered peanut butter crunch balls.

What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Umm, drinking too much and chasing the niece and nephew around the house? OH WAIT, I ALREADY DID THAT ONCE THIS YEAR. Let's go with...using too much tape while giftwrapping. Yes, that is more socially acceptable.

Candy canes: yum or yuck?
Meh. I don't particularly like to eat them, but I think they look adorable hanging on the tree.

Favorite Christmas show?
The Grinch "Grinches" The Cat in the Hat - a classic, I dare say.

Reading - a Christmas Edition Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I'm not an NPR-nut or anything, but when Garrison Keillor hits it, he really hits it.

And then I notice at the end of her red scarf, the word "Nebraska." Nobody would wear this in New York except a Nebraskan.

May we all take the time to notice the angels in our midsts this holiday season, and in 2010. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Reading Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Click here for book info. I would put a quote in there, as per usual, but the book is just so...so...creepy and sad and utterly un-put-downable. If you couldn't tear yourself away from The Lovely Bones, I would definitely recommend this.

Tailspin Sunday, December 20, 2009

*in which I rush into the room, a trail of debris following me, and plop down lopsidedly in my desk chair, waking up the computer and hoping no one notices that I haven't blogged in 10-11 days...*

As it turns out, when your life in reality (aka your j-o-b and actual, non-internet human relationships) becomes busy and/or crowded, blogging doesn't exactly make the list of things to do in your 2 hours of waking free time each day. Oops. Sorry, ladies and gents.

That said, the holidays are upon and can I ask something? Exactly when did the holidays start sneaking up on us? Is it because I turned 30, and got moved to the Universe's "life on fast forward" email list? I'm so NOT ready for Christmas this year, despite the fact that holiday music has been playing since November 1st on nearly every major radio station. This year, my family is headed to our shared house in Florida to celebrate. Because nothing says "Merry Christmas!" like a cold beer in the hot tub, while tiny lizards dart across the tile patio...

Actually, that says a lot of good things to me, but "Happy Holidays" isn't one of them. God forbid if I ever have to move south of Nashville, where a thin coating of ice becomes grounds to file for "national emergency" status from President Obama. Fortunately, snow is easy to come by this year. In fact, northern Illinois has been downright picturesque. Thank you, global warming! I haven't been out in the flakes recently, but I have been doing the following in this here absence from the blah-g:

Going to the circus...


Rolling with my homies...


Putting together my annual "dejected dog in costume" holiday card...


and generally trying to make as much merry as possible.

If I don't make it back here before the holidays hit (excepting Hannukah, of course), a very Merry everything to you and your loved ones!

Only slightly related: If you got a holiday card from me with $0.20 postage due, I'm sorry!

Survey Says: FOOLISH DECISION Thursday, December 10, 2009

Call me judgmentally presumptous...but I am having a REALLY hard time working up sympathy for this woman. EBC provides lockboxes, yo. Read your gym manual - or do what everyone else in the WORLD does and DON'T WEAR YOUR FAMILY JEWELS TO THE DAMN GYM. Thank you, this announcement is concluded.

Reading Tuesday, December 08, 2009

OH, but how I loved this book.



A hero without a flaw is of no interest to an audience or to the universe, which, after all, is based on conflict and opposition, the irresistible force meeting the unmovable object. Which is also why Michael Schumacher, clearly one of the most gifted Formula One drivers of all time, winner of more races, winner of more championships, holder of more pole positions than any other drive in Formula One history, is often left off of the race fan's list of favorite champions...What is to love? Lock the sun in a box. Force the sun to overcome adversity in order to rise. Then we will cheer! I will often admire a beautiful sunrise, but I will never consider the sun a champion for having risen.

Think on These Things Friday, December 04, 2009

Simply put, there's a lot that any one of us can do to improve the life of our fellow man. And the fact that we do it is its own reward.

Photo Credit: CNN

Destination: End of Rope Thursday, December 03, 2009

You know how people like to say, "Time will fly by - just keep busy." Well I don't know who these bastards are, but they are wrong. WRONG, I tell you. As I become increasingly busy, this week seems not to shorten, but rather lengthen out in front of me - looming like the horizon when you're stuck on a road trip through Nebraska. The week hasn't been all bad - just very, VERY long.

So in honor of that, I would like to share a list with you. You know, to make this entry loooonnnnngggggger. Heh.

Top Ten List of Things Everyone Else Likes, But By Which Jamie is Annoyed:

10. 30 Rock

9. Beyonce Knowles

8. film & TV stars on Broadway. No, just NO.

7. Smart Cars

6. painted street mimes/robots/clowns
(can somebody puh-leez explain the appeal?)

5. gossip about Tiger Woods

4. spinach pizza

3. "Rock of Love" on VH1

2. Paris, France

1. Oprah Winfrey

Adventures in Optimism: The Tuesday Edition Tuesday, December 01, 2009

As it turns out, there are unexpected benefits to having to get into work around 6:30 am:

- no one can see me jamming out at my desk to Rick James, Mystikal, and that Kenny Loggins' Caddyshack classic, "I'm Alright." Yessssssssssss. Work it out.
- a good eye cream can reverse a lot of this morning (at least I hope)
- a long drive is SO MUCH BETTER when Wham! unexpectedly comes onto the radio
- you can wear your slippers until the very last second
- no line at the Dunkin Donuts Drive-Thru
- zero traffic = the awesome

Now go read this for further adventures in being a good person. Religious differences aside, I am seriously inspired by this and plan on doing this for my next birthday. Get ready!