Trying Desperately to Get That Deodorant Post off The Page Friday, November 30, 2007

What's long, and does the job? A MEME! Got this one from my P-Town Homey Lynda.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Wrapping paper. I despise gift bags, although they're a great option for people who can't wrap very well. I don't like them because they get all crunched up, and don't travel well.

2. Real tree or artificial?
Articial, pre-lit. If you'd seen some of the fights between Dick Cheney and Sally Field (circa 1990's) over how to light the tree, you'd want to avoid it, too. That being said, Sean and I lit my 10-foot tree a couple years ago with no yelling at all. I take that as a very good sign.

3. When do you put up the tree?
As soon as possible after Thanksgiving is over.

4. When do you take the tree down?
Whenever is convenient - usually the first weekend after Christmas. I like to have it down by New Year's Eve, if possible.

5. Do you like eggnog?
Oh my God, GAG. NO EGGNOG. NO EGG BEVERAGES OF ANY KIND.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
Ballet shoes and a gift certificate for classes.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
I don't feel it necessary to have one, but my newly procured advent calendar (which was my childhood one) becomes a nativity scene as the days get flipped over. I love it.

8. Hardest person to buy for?
Sean, hands-down.

9. Easiest person to buy for?
My mother, because she makes it obvious what she wants.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
A dachshund beanie baby. That's all I'm going to say about that.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?
SNAIL MAIL, no exceptions. Unless you have eleventy children and a big house to care for, emails are lazy and widely considered to be rude.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
Miracle on 34th Street - either the old, or the new.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
Late October

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
No, never.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Sally Fields' crunchy peanut butter balls.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
White/Clear. I don't like colored lights at all, anywhere.

17. Favorite Christmas song?
The First Noel, The Holly & The Ivy, The Instrument Song

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
I always prefer to stay at home, and by "at home," I mean wherever my family is (which is usually within 100 miles)

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers?
Will there be a quiz later? No, probably not.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
I have both, I prefer the star, this year, I'm not using a topper.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?
Traditionally, we open up one gift on Christmas Eve after we get back from the midnight service at church - pajamas to wear that night, and when we were little, it meant that Christmas morning would find us all in gooberiffic, matching pjs. The rest of the presents are opened Christmas morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
Crowds.

23. What I love most about Christmas?
Watching other people open the gifts I've procured for them, and hoping nervously that it's exactly what they wanted.

Reaching My Limits Thursday, November 29, 2007

Sometimes, I am a genuinely lovely person to hang out with - I'm witty, fall easily into non-threatening conversation, and can't wait to give a stranger a big, unsolicited smile just for the hell of it. Because I'm in a good mood.

And sometimes, there are weeks like this one. Weeks that prove, in startling detail, what I consider to be reality: that I do not generally fall under the heading of "happy go lucky." (snort) Duh.

So I'm going to say it now, loud and proud. It's all part of life, right? Figuring out your own boundaries and limitations?

1. If one more person compares me to Bette Midler or Kathy Griffin, heads will roll.

2. The dog peed by my desk. AGAIN. I do not have time to shampoo the carpets, so I'm just going to cover the treated spot with his bed in the hopes that he gets the message and doesn't do it again.

3. I had a to-do list today that took up every line on the top page of my legal pad. Literally. I got exactly 5 things done, one of which was "shower." Awesome.

4. I do NOT understand Veronica Webb's role in the show "Tim Gunn's Guide to Style." What, Tim Gunn wasn't believable or trustworthy enough to carry the show alone? So they hired someone who apparently has decided to make herself over from a hot-as-hell supermodel glamazon into what appears to be a post-op transsexual from the Hamptons?! Huh?

5. I needed a drink so badly this evening that I actually opened up the bottle of Door County Dry Cherry Wine that my mother brought back from her summer outing, because it was the only thing I had in the house (other than lime vodka with no mixer). Yuck. And yet? I drank two glasses. Because I was desperate, and water didn't seem to fit the bill.

Fortunately, I have a wonderful weekend of merriment planned for myself - just the thing to lift one's self out of the doldrums. Time spent with friends, like my dear Kathleen Nora and Babsie. Also, a trip to some sort of national championship martial arts/ultimate fighting competition, courtesy of Sean who knows somebody who knows somebody. Too bad my sty went away, or I'd fit right in with my big, fat shiner.

Hope you all have wonderful weekends, and give a stranger a smile. You know, for me.

Inadvertant Product Review

About a month ago, I decided that I could not stand to read YET ANOTHER study in which aluminum in anti-perspirant/deodorant was linked to breast cancer. So I abandoned my mainstream deodorant and purchased a mostly organic, aluminum and paraben-free deodorant. This one:


And I really like it, I do. But about 5-7 hours into the day, I catch a whiff of myself - you know, the kind ONLY YOU can smell because the scent is so close to your body that it doesn't travel any further than about an inch from your skin? Well that's the particular whiff I caught, and let's just say it was not exactly fragrant in a lavenderriffic way.

I smelled like a homeless person stuck in a smelly cab in the middle of August, with the windows rolled up. Seriously - but only in the very center of my underarm. Needless to say, I was horrified even thought I know full well that body odor is supposed to be sort of smelly. But not mine - I don't sweat, I glisten. I smell like roses and clean laundry at all times.

Ahem.

Wow, this post massively borders on TMI, no? I don't know what to do. I do not have any wish to be forced to carry around a huge stick of deodorant in case this happens again. I don't want to become the person who reapplies their anti-perspirant a million times a day. Each time I notice it, I think "Gee, Jamie, being smelly is better than having breast cancer, so just SHUT UP you vain, sweaty idiot."

But I can't help it. I hate it. Any suggestions (other than showering twice a day?)

Hell of a Week Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Last night, I had a disturbing realization. There I was, sitting in my apartment - clad in bright orange Illini yoga pants and a tee, and it suddenly dawned on me.

I was sitting on the couch doing some handstitching on a craft, in glasses, with my dog, surrounded by dog-eared holiday catalogs, and corned beef (of all things) was in the crockpot. I also had my hair pulled back, argyle socks on, and I'm rocking a wildly sexy infection in my left eye. It looks like someone took a needle full of fruit punch kool-aid and injected it into my lashline. I was breathing heavily after having done a victory dance in my living room to celebrate Helio Castroneves' win on Dancing with the Stars (including a completely silent but almost painful double arm-in-the-air pump when the winner was announced) On the weirdo scale of 1 to 10, it was a 50.

Turns out, I'm just a 45 year old, single cat lady stuck in a different body.

Giving Thanks Sunday, November 25, 2007

*Note* I can't figure out how to rotate photos, and I know my shots are overexposed and full of aggressive flash, so you'll just have to DEAL WITH IT because Blogger is being a very cranky beeyotch and I'd just like to get this post up and out of my drafts folder. Okay?

Ahem. Back to the matter at hand. I was fortunate enough to celebrate Thanksgiving with my mother's side of the family this year - up in central Wisconsin, where things are cold, covered in roadway salt, and sound like they're from Minnesota.

We gave thanks for many thing - like silly putty and Badger chairs.


We also gave thanks for sausage and cheese platters, as well as Carlo Rossi's White Zinfandel. The kind that isn't white at all, and comes in those enormous, glass jugs. Because we're klassy like that.


My aunt's house is a treasure trove of antiques and tchotchkes - she's a retired social worker who runs an antique store. So everytime I visit, I do each of the following things: (1) have an allergic reaction to the dust, (2) trip over the edge of one of her ancient oriental rugs, and (3) get creeped out by the dolls and figures she has lying around as accessories. Just check out the evil eye that I'm getting from the doll on the far right:


Gah! I hate it!

We like to spend some time together, chatting and reminiscing about nothing and everything. We also enjoy riding one of the many retired carousel animals that lives in the family stables.


There are some things about our annual trek north that frighten the kiddies, and it's NOT the sight of me in zero makeup. It's usually this guy, who graces the foyer with a welcoming charm that I like to call "you scare the hell out of me! where is the white zinfandel?!"


Mostly, I'm just grateful that my very old grandmother is still alive to celebrate the holidays with us - she is definitely the matriarch of the family, and we would be so sad without her around. She keeps telling me she's holding out so that she'll be alive to attend my wedding...but at a very spunky 94 years old, none of us can predict her future.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday weekend, and that it served as reminder of what really matters.

O Nelly Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Thanks a lot, Oprah. It's not bad enough that you have this ridiculous "favorite things" episode every year, telling your viewers to love only things like $50 bars of soap, and $4,000 refrigerators...but now? Now, you've officially hit below the belt.

How DARE you tell the world about my favorite gelato?! Now I'll never be able to find it anywhere, especially in Chicago.

Low blow, Oprah. Not cool at all.

OMG NFW! Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I guess my focus paid off. I'm proud to announce the following numbers:

Starting Weight: 146 lbs.
Last Week's Weight: 139.6 lbs.
Current Weight: 134.4 lbs.

That right, in the past week, I've dropped exactly 5.2 pounds! I would have (seriously) been happy with just 1 lb., I was just so stressed about going back up for another week.

It's a Thanksgiving miracle!

Seriously, though, I really got back on track with watching my WW points and paying attention to every. single. thing. that went in my mouth. When I hit 15 pounds lost, I'm going to buy myself something amazing. Perhaps something like these beautiful babies (in rust), because I've been drooling over them for months.

Outtakes Monday, November 19, 2007

Every year, as I blogged about in the past, I put a picture of my dog in my holiday card. I do this because, as you might suspect, I am one of those irritatingly mature people that (at the age of 28) sends a formal holiday card to all my friends and family. The way I see it, my old lady ways justify other behaviors - most notably, my tendency towards being a "crazy dog person." I squelch 99% of my urges where my dog is concerned (doggy clothing, stupid things like "pawdicures," and driving my dog around in a damn stroller), but the holiday card is a tradition now.

Two years ago, Doc wore a jingle bell color. Last year, he was dapper in a red bowtie. This year? A striped hoodie sweater, of course. So BEHOLD- I give you the outtakes of this year's holiday card photoshoot:


Yeah, so, umm...maybe his head isn't as proportional to his body as I previously thought. Oops.


In fact, even if you stuff his ears in the hood, it's sort of ill-fitting. So the only option was to cut holes in the hood in order to unleash the ears:


Then again, maybe just taking the hood off would work better.



Yeah, he still looks angry. So we finally decided to just work on some tricks, and give Doc some well-deserved treats for his patience. Here, you can see his overflow of neck/scruff fat, and how he is "shaking" Sean's hand:


In the end (with Sean's help), I managed to get exactly TWO shots out of 87 frames. So those of you that are on my list, PREPARE YOURSELF for the christmas cuteness!

Lordy, I Feel Old

I had another one of those amazing, lazy weekends where there is nothing in particular to do. I feel it necessary to have a few of these before the mania of the holidays sets in, and my life becomes a unbearable miasma of scheduling, baking, decorating, and trying to carve out some alone time to just BREATH ALREADY.

So as part of my weekend o'nothin' doing, I caught some of the American Music Awards on television last night. And I only have one thing to say, really:


Who the hell are the Jonas Brothers? Can somebody please explain to me why kids these days are falling head-over-heels for a brunette version of Hanson? It's like teeny bopper trio redux gone wrong - and did anyone else see the one who fell on his face when they took the stage? And did anyone else laugh like I did at it?

I must be too old to appreciate the same things as your average 13-year old. Then again, maybe that's not a bad thing at all.

Reader Input: Part MCIVXII Friday, November 16, 2007

Today, it's Christmas gifting help. I pride myself on finding a gift for every person on my list that really is something they will enjoy, cherish, love, and/or wear regularly. I work really hard at finding the right present, and I start early because I'm so finicky.

Of course, that flies right the hell out the proverbial window when it comes to my brother-in-law, A-----. This year, as in many previous years, I am CLUELESS on what to get him. Like many men, he wants for almost nothing and I am really tired of buying him clothing. One holiday about three years ago, I thought I would lose my mind if I saw the poor guy open up YET ANOTHER sweater. I don't think he noticed, because he's all thankful and nice like that, but I caught glances with my mother and I could tell our mutual telepathy would have sounded a lot like this:

Sally Field: "You got A----- clothes?!"

Jamie: "What do you expect? He's difficult to shop for, and I like buying clothes!"

Sally Field: "But I bought him the entire men's business casual rack at Marshall Fields! Why didn't you warn me?"

Jamie: "What kind of question is that?! What else was I supposed to buy him? This is the only suggestion I ever get for him!"

Sally Field: "But look over there - there are at least 9 more shirtboxes for him to open! All he's going to get is clothing!"

Jamie: "Clearly a pre-holiday gifting conference was in order, mother. He'll just have to look good all year this year, until next Christmas when we can even things out with some video games, unnecessary golf paraphenalia, and maybe even some porn."

Sally Field: "Hrmph!" (walks away for another cup of coffee)

Seriously, people. Last year, I bought him a marshmellow air gun. I'm dying for suggestions - what would you buy a teacher in his early thirties, who loves sports (but already has every single piece of crap associated with his favorite team), likes to golf (but already has a thousand accessories he may never use), and has a great sense of humor?

HELP!

Content Drought Thursday, November 15, 2007

Yes, I realize I post this at the risk that you will all see YET another meme, throw your hands up in the air, and completely write off ever visiting this blog ever again. Ever.

That's a risk I'm going to have to take, because DAMN if I can't think of anything to write. Seriously.

The theme? Word association - I'm supposed to write down the first thing that pops into my head when cued by the list of words below. Enjoy, or complete for yourself on YOUR blog!

1. [Beer] - mmm...

2. [Shoe] - love

3. [Relationships] - are worth the work

4. [Purple] - is an irritating color.

5. [Power Rangers] - stupid

6. [Weed] - this show's supposed to be amazing, alas, I do not have Showtime.

7. [Steroids] - Danny Bonaduce and Carrottop

8. [Cartoons] - general dislike

9. [The President] - blecch

10. [Tupperware] - necessary evil

11. [Florida] - why would anyone want to live in a place that has sand for soil? where did all the dirt go? i like dirt. not sand.

12. [Santa Claus] - does not exist

13. [Halloween] - is overrated unless you are a child, or have a child

14. [Bon Jovi] - so, so, SO annoying

15. [Grammar] - see above: Tupperware

16: [Myspace] - trashy

17. [Worst fear] - the death of my family and friends

18. [Marriage] - gets a bad rap

19. [Paris Hilton] - vapid

20. [Patrick] - would never name a child this because then people would call him "Pat" and that SNL skit has scarred me for life

21. [Redheads] - hot!

22. [Blondes] - minnesota

23. [Pass the] - dutchie

24. [One night stand] - dangerous

25. [Donald Trump] - pouty mouth with gross, thin lips

26. [Neverland] - pedophile playground

27. [Pixie stix] - junior high sleepovers

28. [Vanilla ice cream] - boring

29. [Hooters] - love the wings and pasta salad

30. [High school] - flies by

31. [Pajamas] - tangle up and twist when I sleep

32. [Woods] - a great place to camp

33. [Wet Socks] - I always managed to forget one sock in the washing machine, which I then am forced to line dry.

34. [Computer] - can you love an inanimate object?

35. [Love] - comes in many, many forms

Reading

Folds of scarlet drapery shut in my view to the right hand; to the left were the clear panes of glass, protecting, but not separating me from the drear November day. At intervals, while turning over the leaves in my book, I studied the aspect of that winter afternoon. Afar, it offered a pale blank of mist and cloud; near, a scene of wet lawn and storm-beat shrub, with ceaseless rain sweeping away wildly before a long and lamentable blast.

Lazy About her Weight Since 1979 Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Bad week - up again. I got lazy, got comfortable, and put on about a pound. Dammit.

Starting Weight: 146
Current Weight: 139
Goal Weight: 125

I think the time of simple diet manipulation is over. I think it's time to really hit the gym. Yuck.

Begging for Blog Content since 1979

I am currently working on a new masthead for this little site o'mine. Because my photoshop abilities are limited at best, I need to come up with a really snappy tag line. For the past couple years, I have chosen to go with something along the lines of "making rash decisions since 1979..." or something of that type and kind. Obviously, or not so obviously for those of you that don't know me, I was born in 1979.

That being said, I'd like to keep that tag line going on the new masthead - but I'm fresh out of clever ideas. Since you all are so clever (real life friends and friendternets alike), I thought you all might be able to come up with something.

I thought of a couple just now - real zingers that actually describe me. What do you think of "inadvertantly upbraiding messy roommates since 1979," "randomly and inarticulately raging about feminist issues since 1979," or "sorting out hardshelled candies by color since 1979?"

Yeah, so umm...I'm gonna need your help on this one. Submit your best ideas in the comments below! Thanks!

Role Models Monday, November 12, 2007

Am I the only one who is completely angry about THIS?!

C'mon, Hasbro, that's the best you can do?! Why not just whip up a batch of all pink, yellow, and orange apparel to go with - perhaps an apron, a poodle skirt, a pair of demure heels, and...oh, maybe a straitjacket?! This is seriously the best your hardworking toy designers could come up with? Really?! Would it have KILLED you to include perhaps, oh say, a bookcase or a computer?

I have an idea, we'll just insert a chip in every little girl's brain upon birth programming her to wish for only traditionally female life goals. That way, when each one receives her very own cottage - where "an entire world where they can play, discover, and explore," she'll feel right at home. Assuming, that is, that her list of dreams and aspirations is comprised solely of the following tasks: cooking, cleaning, decorating, doing the laundry, and popping out babies. How 'bout that? It'll be like the 1950's all over again! Fantastic!

Currently in Development for Holiday Shopping 2008: Big Strong Burly Man Shed - a residential, imagination toy for strapping young men. Complete with tools, hunting gear, sports equipment, a 6-pack of brewskies, and a manual on how to manage your future wife.

Update: Apparently, I'm not the only one who feels this way. (thanks for the link, KT!)

Remembrance

I always find it a little bittersweet to use the phrase "Happy Veterans Day," especially when, in times like these, the state of our veteran care is not very good and many people are not willing to admit that the American government (in a lot of ways) has turned its back on our soldiers.

Political views aside, please remember what is really important today: appreciating and celebrating our veterans, and recognizing all the things they have done for our collective freedom.

I will personally be honoring and remembering the following people today.

Horace B----
Spanish American War - Navy
My maternal great-grandfather

Horace "Haughty" S-----
World War II - Navy
My maternal grandmother's beloved, only brother, died at the age of 18 in the Battle of Corregidor

Joseph M-----
World War II - Army
My paternal grandfather

Philip -------
Vietnam Era Veteran - Army
My father

War is a contentious issue - it's vicious, merciless, horrible, and in some people's opinions, necessary. Whether or not you subscribe to a pacifist perspective, you cannot deny the bravery of the people who have fought to protect the freedoms we enjoy each day, here in this beautiful, mixed up country.

Please hug a vet today, and give them your thanks.

Well Heeled Friday, November 09, 2007

I need your help, readers. You see, I am afflicted with a love for shoes. Not the crazy, hundreds-of-pairs-I-can't-afford-groceries-because-of-my-shoe-collection afflication that some women have, but rather a pressing, internal need to have that pair of shoes that perfectly complements an outfit. Even if it's just one outfit and I'll only wear those shoes with that one outfit.

That being said, the seasons are changing. I have to put away my beloved stiletto collection (for the most part) which is very sad indeed, because I love me some high heels. For instance, this pair (that I've been eyeballing since about a month ago.


Hubba hubba. I firmly believe that a white-hot pair of heels can transform even the most basic of outfits.

That being said, I need your opinions on a rather less interesting category of shoes: the comfy shoe. I can figure out the painful shoes on my own, but it's the other end of the spectrum with which I have a little trouble. My shoe collection basically consists of high heels, some boring work shoes, boots, sneakers, and one very unfortunate-looking pair of khaki suede sport clogs. (Purchased at the Skecher store across from Macy's in Herald Square, NYC, in a moment of foot comfort bliss - now worn ashamedly with jeans that are long enough to cover the snow and salt stains at the sole)

Seriously, I have no casual, comfortable shoes that aren't sneakers. I can wear my loafers in the summer, but can't really rock it out sockless in the snow and cold.

Here's where you come in (yes, I'm finally getting around to that). I need a pair of comfortable shoes that ARE NOT athletic in nature to wear with jeans and khakis on the weekend. I've been looking at Keen, Privo, Clarks, and even Danskos (although I have to admit I'm not really looking to buy another pair of clogs - I don't pull off "crunchy" THAT well).

Here's what I do like:
Neutral colors, things that are functional AND feminine

Here's what I don't like:
Flats of any kind (especially ones with sneaker soles - gag me), anything priced $200+, low-top Doc Martens, anything that appears to be orthopedic in nature.

I'm seriously so clueless. I'm been to just about every shoe store and website in the whole, wide, internetweb and I just don't know what to do. HALP!

Meme for the Lazy Folk Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Like me. Nothing interesting is going on these days, what can I say? Took this from AM.

1. What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now? Lever 2000 Shower Gel & Bath and Body Works Aromatherapy Spearmint / Eucalyptus

2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator? No, that is a summer fruit.

3. What would you change about your living room? I would make it wider, to accomodate the armchair and the couch on the same side of the room

4. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty? Both - it's in the wash cycle as I type.

5. What is in your fridge? Food. What kind of dumb question is that?

6. White or wheat bread? Weight Watchers brand wheat bread, english muffin, and WASA crackers

7. What is on top of your refrigerator? a green Bamboo bowl and plate set, and mason jars from my grandfather's old stash of pickling supplies

8. What color or design is on your shower curtain? No curtain - glass doors.

9. How many plants are in your home? None. I have a black thumb.

10. Is your bed made right now? No, because the dog dug up a wall of linens for him to sleep against.

11. Comet or Soft Scrub? Soft scrub - the kind with bleach.

12. Is your closet organized? Yes, absolutely. It has to be, otherwise I will go stark raving mad.

13. Can you describe your flashlight? Forest green Eddie Bauer camping flashlight - serves as a flashlight and a halogen-style torch/lamp. I have 2.

14. Do you drink out of glass or plastic more at home? Glass. I'm growing more and more wary of the toxins in plastic.

15. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now? No, I'm not really a tea drinker.

16. If you have garage, is it cluttered? Garage?! (snort) You must be joking. I don't have a garage.

17. Curtains or blinds? Curtains - sheer, off-white.

18. How many pillows do you sleep with? One.

19. Do you sleep with any lights on at night? No, none.

20. How often do you vacuum? Once a week.

21. Standard toothbrush or electric? I used to use an electric, but have been on a standard kick lately.

22. What color is your toothbrush? Orange and white.

23. Do you have welcome mat on your front porch? No front porch, no welcome mat.

24. What is in your oven right now? Nothing.

25. Is there anything under your bed? Yes - gift wrap and some unused shelves from a modular shelving unit.

26. Chore you hate the most? Cleaning the Foreman.

27. What retro items are in your home? None, really, unless you count a cheapy art deco starburst mirror at the end of the foyer.

28. Do you have separate room you use an an office? No, but that would be lovely.

29. How many mirrors are in your home? 3: one in the bathroom, and two in the foyer/hallway.

30. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home? No.

31. What color are your walls? A disgusting khaki that I hate now (loved it on the swatch - would be better if I had more natural light - Behr's Gobi Desert in Eggshell) on 90% of the apartment, dark sage green in the dining area and bathroom, and slate blue in the kitchen.

32. What does your home smell like right now? the turkey burgers I made earlier.

33. Favorite candle scent? Anything autumnal - pumpkins, syrup, apples, that sort of thing.

34. What kind of pickles are in your refrigerator right now? None, sadly. I love pickles.

35. Ever been on your roof? No, and hopefully never will.

36. Do you own a stereo? Yes. It primarily goes unused.

37. How many TV’s do you have? One

38. How many phones? One - my cell

39. Do you have a housekeeper? No, not necessary.

40. What style do you decorate in? Does hopeful count as a "style?" I see things in my head, and sometimes their execution looks great, and sometimes they don't.

41. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints? I prefer solid colors.

42. Is there a smoke detector in your home? Yes - one, it's a combo smoke/carbon monoxide detector.

Reading Tuesday, November 06, 2007

"My first thought when I saw this dress on Patti Labelle was, "Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time before Laura Ashley started hitting the bong."

What's up?

My weight is up, for one. Not surprisingly, considering I downed 3-4 light beers, five pieces of french bread with cheddar, and a bowl of hearty beef stew last night. But MAN, was it good.

Now I'm back to the grindstone. If sitting around and not exercising while eating whatever the hell I wanted resulted in weight loss, I wouldn't be on Weight Watchers right now.

Starting Weight: 146
Goal Weight: 125
Current Weight: 138.8 (up 1/2 pound)

Salad, anyone?

Weekend Update with Jamie Poehler & Seth Myers Monday, November 05, 2007

I think I'm finally coming to peace with the fact that I'll never be one of those bloggers who only posts the occasional well-crafted, interesting, relevant entries. I'm a minutiae blogger. Because this is my outlet in many ways, I tend to just blurt shit out. I do, I can't help it.

This weekend was awesome in several ways - most notably because most of it was spent inside, laughing, being cozy, and just relaxing. I can feel the speed and obligation of the holiday season coming, and I am trying to nip all of that stress right in the bud.

Other than spending tons of time lounging around, reading the paper, clipping coupons, cuddling with the dog, and reading my book club book for November, I also got a chance to see "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer." It was lame. That's really all I can say about that.

Oh, and Jessica Alba is a horrendous actor.

I also spend some time catching up with an old friend from high school and college. She invited me to her daughter's 5th birthday party, and it was all that a kiddie party should be. Super mellow adults, just hanging out with some good food and good company. It was also in a cute subdivision out in the suburbs, which only fueled my citydweller jealousy for things like tumbled stone patios, backyards, and garages. The birthday girl, who is whip-smart, highly articulate, and incredibly polite was adorable the entire time (even when she mysteriously appeared downstairs having applied blue eyeshadow where blush should have gone). She gushed aloud over every gift, and when she received her big gift (a dollhouse) I thought her head might actually pop right off her body and go rolling through the foyer. So cute. If you're reading this, Laura, thanks for the invite!

In other, more competitive news, I opened up a serious can of whoop-ass on Sean in our NASCAR fantasy league. Then he proceeded to trounce my pathetic word-nerd abilities at Scrabble. So I think we're even.

I also made Cheesy Chicken & Rice, and Penne with Roasted Tomatoes. Both were adequate at best, but I have my ideas about how to fix them in the future. Next up on the recipe list? Turkey burgers tomorrow night, and pumpkin bars for a family party this weekend.

I also switched out my seasonal clothing and rearranged my closets, since it would seem that we're finally out of the 60's here in Chicago. (yesssssssssssss! bring on the snow!)

What did YOU do this weekend?

Thank God it's...Friday? Friday, November 02, 2007

Today is not shaping up well. To wit:

1. I woke up at 6:15 am to get some work done on a file that is due in an afternoon meeting. I emailed it to myself so that I could save and edit a local copy on my home computer. I even brought two very large packets of supporting documentation home so that I could get this completed before hitting the office today. My email program saw the two attached files I sent as viral, and blocked them.

2. I don't know how YOUR neighborhoods typically sound in the morning, but my oh my - Printer's Row is abuzz this morning. Helicopters, sirens, wind rushing past my window...it sounds like a war zone out there. I initially attributed the helicopters to traffic reports (my neighborhood is adjacent to the junction of 4 major highways), but it would seem there is something a little more sinister going on. It sounds ridiculous, but it sort of makes me scared to take the dog out.

3. I made a pot of coffee after I woke up (something I very rarely do), and only after putting a sizable glop of organic skim milk in my cup and taking a long, satisfying sip, did I notice that the milk smelled funny. It's only my second purchase of organic milk ever - is this normal? Am I suddenly going to be stricken with a sour stomach at work today - maybe projectile vomit all over my cube? (ooh, this might get me out of the meeting I need that file for...hmm) The date on the carton is November 28th! Why does the damn milk smell like it's going bad? Enlighten me, please.

4. The dog threw up on my bed at 5:45 am. GOOD MORNING, MOMMY, WANT TO CLEAN UP MY HAIRY, YELLOW BILE? SORRY ABOUT YOUR QUILT. *urp*

There are the damn helicopters again! What is going on, people?! Maybe somebody called in my offensive morning breath, and the fuzz are coming to lock me up.

Must've been the milk.

Hope your day is shaping up more nicely than mine!

How do you say "blecch" in Italian? Thursday, November 01, 2007

Today, this lil ol' site got a Google referral from someone who went searching for the term "sniff feet." And while the initial thought of it makes me want to gag, I'm sort of excited that I'm even coming up at all on google. You know, in a internet-whore sort of way.

So to you, dear fetishist reader from Bassano Del Grappa, Italy - benvenuto! I'm sorry you didn't find what you were...ahem...looking for.

Happy Humbug-ween

Am I the only one who found yesterday a bit anticlimactic? Why is it that the only people who seem to be celebrating Halloween these days are either (1) parents with children, or (2) twenty-somethings who want to dress up in slutty vocational uniforms and get wasted?

Since I don't belong to either of these groups, I sort of went about my business last night as if it were any other night of the week. I think I may have wished the dog a "happy halloween" before I fell asleep, but that was pretty much it.

I am so boring! I am like the new Halloween Scrooge. Boo humbug!